Illarion.org

Q: What do you call a vampiric goblin?

A: A Hemogoblin



Q: Why did the slime stop being emo?

A: cutting itself actually did lead to friends



While my party and I were exploring an unexplored Mine recently, we came across a Lich who was asking about Life, the Universe and Everything! I should have known we'd come across a wondering monster!


Have a Happy Illa Day!!

Hey hey!! It's been a month of posts!! Let's go for two!


Q: Why can't Zombies dance?

A: They just don't have any Soul.



Q: Why can't the undead compose good music?

A: They can only de-compose.



Q: What does a vegetarian Zombie eat?

A: Graaaaains!!!



Q: What did the Zombie mom tell her kid, to get them to eat their food?

A: Eat your food, there are people in America with no brains at all!



Have a Happy Illa Day!!

Q: Where do the richest Dwarves buy their biggest Hammers?

A: At the Maul!



Q: Where do dwarven children buy their Hammers?

A: At the Mini-Maul!



Q: Why did the Fighter bring his perfect, gemmed, Drow-Sword to the Wedding all alone?

A: It was his +1


Have a Happy Illa Day!!

Well, It's turkey Day in the USA (Happy Thanksgiving!) but we don't have turkeys in Illarion. So here's some fowl jokes....

Q: Why did the Chicken cross the road?

A: The question isn't Why, but How did the Chicken make a Road angry? How does that happen?



Q: Why did the Chicken cross the road twice?

A: He was a Double-Crosser, never to be trusted!



Q: Why do Chickens lay eggs?

A: Because if they dropped them, they would break!



Q: What do you get if you combine a Chicken and a Clay pit?

A: A Brick layer



A Man was walking to Galmair and a chicken walked by him in the same direction. Not to be outdone by a Chicken, the Man started to run and the Chicken sped up and was alongside him again. The Man drank a speed potion and the chicken still kept pace and then sped past him!! As the Chicken sped past, the Man noticed it had three legs and tried to keep up, but couldn't. Luckily the Chicken went into a nearby farm. Huffing with short breath, the Man finally got to the Farm and asked the Farmer about the chicken. "Oh yeah, they're a special type I'm breeding to get more drumsticks," the Farmer said. "Great, but how do they taste?" the Man asked. "I don't know," the Farmer admitted, "I haven't been able to catch one yet!"



Finally, a Dog was standing by the road, thinking about crossing it and a Chicken walks up to him. "Don't do it man!" the Chicken says, "You'll never hear the end of it!"


Have a Happy Illa Day!!

A few jokes about Druids...

Q: How does a Druid fish without a Fishing Pole?

A: With their Bear Hands!



Q: Why did the Druid throw spores throughout the forest?

A: To Birth Mushrooms!



Q: Why did the Druid bring a map to the forest?

A: He wanted to find his true path!


Have a Happy Illa Day!

You know them, you love them....Slimes!!.....

Q: Did you hear about the tailor who made a special Armor using Slime instead of leather?

A: It was hard to pull off!



Q: How do you know when two slimes are in love?

A: They are practically glued to each other!



Q: How do you handle a Blue Slime?

A: Try to make it feel better.



Q: What did the baby Slime say to it's Mama?

A: Goo-Goo!!


Have a Happy Illa Day!!

We just had our first snow locally, and it often snows in Galmair too! Here's some snow jokes, because...you snow why...

Q: What did one Snowball say to the other Snowball?

A: Let's Roll!



Q: Where can you store Snowballs?

A: In the Snowbank!



Q: What did one Snowflake say to the other?

A: I'm falling for you!



Q: Why do the Nameless Mountains get cold in the Winter?

A: Because they 'peak' in the Summer!


Have a Happy Illa Day!!

A Few One-Liners about Guilds....

I can't decide whether to join the Bards College or the Thieves Guild,....
I'll just have to weigh the Prose and Cons.


Did you hear about the Chicken Assassin Guild?
Not much is known. It's all Cluck and Dagger.


Is the leader of the Bardic College...
the "Acting' Leader?


Did you get the notice about the Druids Guild meeting?
No one did, It was lost in the Forest.


Did you hear about the Noob who joined the fake Fishing Guild for 5 Gold?
He fell for it Hook, Line and Sinker!


Have a Happy Illa Day!!

It's the month of Bras IG, so a few jokes about the month of Immolation...

Q: What do you call a collection of weapons designed to burn the buildings of the enemy?

A: An Arson-al.


A Dwarf customer was pulled from a fire at the Hemp Necktie Inn all completely covered in soot, smelling of smoke and slightly burned. When the rescuers asked, "How did the Fire start?" the dwarf replied, "Damned if I know! The place was in Blazes when I got here!"


An Orcish raiding party attacked Cadomyr, grabbed the loot and left before help arrived. Before they left, an Orcan youngster threw his torch on a nearby wooden hut and lit it on fire. The Daddy Orc hugged the Mommy Orc and proudly said, "That's Ar-son!"


Finally, a Halfling farmer walks into a Bar holding a baby Pig under his arms, but the pig had a wooden leg.
The bartender looks at the pig, notices a wooden leg and asks, 'Why has this pig got a wooden leg?'
The Halfling farmer replies, "Ah that's a tale! We had a fire in our house last week. This pig came upstairs and woke up our entire family. We all escaped the blaze thanks to this pig!"
The bartender was impressed. "Did the pig lose a leg in the fire?"
"Oh no" said the farmer, "An animal this valuable? You don't eat them all at once!"


Have a Happy Illa Day!!

I've been doing a lot of Farming lately, so how about a few about farmers?

Q: What kind of conversation do Farmers have while milking their Cows?

A: Udder Nonsense.



Q: Why did the Farmer bury Gold Coins on his land?

A: He wanted to make his Farmland richer!



Q: Why doesn't a Farmer tell jokes in front of his Cows or Sheep?

A: Because they have 'herd' them all.



Q: Why don't Cows have feet instead of hooves?

A: Because they lac-tose!


Have a Happy Illa Day!!

More about farming...

Q: What would you think of a boyfriend who builds Beehives to save the Bees?

A: He's a Keeper!


Q: Why did the Orc lose his job at the Dairy Farm?

A: His threatening behavior made him a danger to himself and udders.


Q: Why did the Orc Farmer fail at his chicken Farm?

A: He's not sure. He didn't know if he buried the chickens too close together or not deep enough to grow.


Q: How do you make a Rabbit Farm disappear?

A: A Mage should do the trick!


Have a Happy Illa Day!!

And even more about farmers...LOL!!

Q: What happens when you get a promotion at a Tree Farm?

A: You become a Branch Manager!



Q: What do you call people who work on a Chicken Farm?

A: Chicken Tenders.



Q: What do you call a Farm that raises Chickens and Pigs?

A: A Chicken-Bacon Ranch!



A farmer was retiring and needed to get rid of his animals before selling his farm. So he went door to door in his town, selling them.

He gave a Cow to the houses where the man is the boss.

He gave a chicken to the homes where the woman is the boss.

He gets to the end of the street and notices a couple gardening outside.

“Who’s in charge around here?” he inquired.

“I am,” the man asserted.

“I have a Dark Cow and a Jersey Cow,” the farmer said, “would you like one of them?”

“I’d like the Dark one,” the man said after a brief moment of thought.

“No, no, get the Jersey one,” the man’s wife said.

“Here’s your chicken,” the farmer said.


Have a Happy Illa Day!!

It's the month of Eldas IG, so here's a few jokes about the month of abstinence! Don't worry, it's PG!

A man asks the medico: "Do you think I'll live to be a hundred?"
The medico asks the man "Well, that depends. Do you drink?"

"Oh, no sir! I abstain from all alcohol. Juices, too. I just drink plenty of fresh water."

"Do you smoke?"

"No, sir! Never smoked in my life, and I stay away from any place with even a hint of smoke."

"Do you eat a lot of sugary and fried foods?"

"No, sir! I carefully watch my diet and I'm sure to eat plenty of vegetables."

"Do you go to parties? Stay up late? Are you sexually promiscuous?"

"Not at all! Early to bed and early to rise! And abstinence is key."

The doctor raises an eyebrow at the man. "So... Why exactly do you want to live to be a hundred? Where's the fun?"

Two old men are having an argument over which one of them has lived their life to it's fullest
The first man, old, wrinkled and his scalp topped with few white strains of hair, proclaims:
"I have only been able to achieve my proud age of 98 through a steadily upheld 6 hour workout routine on a daily basis. I may have lost some time, but it was completely worth it."

The second man, even more wrinkled and without even one strain of hair, laughs out loud and replies with a slight chuckle:
"What a fool you have been, wasting all that time. I have reached my monumental age of 102 through abstinence and a strict diet of vegetables and water. I may have missed out on feasting but it was certainly worthwhile."

Suddenly a third man appears. He is wrinkled to the point of having his eyes hidden under thick flaps of skin. Leaning on his big walking stick he unleashes a neighing, hardly recognizable as a laugh and begins to speak in a slow, grainy voice:
"You both have wasted your life! I have for my whole life taken every kind of food and drink there are. I have slept with uncountable amounts of women. I have smoked three dozen tobacco in my pipe on every day of my life. I drank as much beer as I could. Yet, I still live after all these years and that with all the pleasure I could accumulate. You both have wasted your time."

The other two men are visibly astounded and quickly ask in Unison:
"For how long have you lived? It is obvious that you must be older than the both of us."

The third man smiles and answers:

"For 26 Years"

I can't believe there's some people who love the month of Eldas! It's Inconceivable!


I held an abstinence party in Eldas once...and no-one came.

Have a Happy Illa Day!!

Here's a few about Tailors, sew here we go..

Q: How do Tailors make Trousers last?

A: They make the Shirt first!



Q: Why does the Don's Trousers have no pockets?

A: He never has his hands in his own pockets!



Q: What do you do with a drunken Tailor?

A: Give him a Belt because he's waisted!



Q: How did the Tailor die?

A: He committed Sewicide



Q: What did the lazy Tailor say to the customer?

A: Suit yourself.

Have a Happy Illa Day!

Ok...I missed a day on purpose to give another thread the exposure it needs, but here we go again!

Q: Why was the Blacksmith never late for work?

A: Because he always struck while the Iron was hot.


Q: Why did the Blacksmith learn Cooking too?

A: He wanted to forge friendships over a hot grill.


Q: What did the Blacksmith say when he dropped a Hammer on his foot?

A: "Iron-ically, that hurt!!"


Q: Why was the Blacksmith always feeling down and tired?

A: He had an Iron deficiency!!

Have a Happy Illa Day!!

Ahhh....another glorious day in the Corps....er...Illarion...LOL!! A few jokes about Knights!

Queen Rosilyn sits on her throne. Suddenly, one of her knights enters.
The knight looks so tired he can barely stand. His armour is heavily battered and covered with dust, his sword is notched, his helmet is cracked...

**Queen**: Dear God, John! What happened to you?

**Knight**: Oh, I've been hard at work lately, Your Majesty. A heavy blow I dealt against your enemies to the north.

**Queen**: What? John, but I have *no* enemies to the north!

**Knight**: Really? (*thinks for a moment*) Oh well, you do now!

Q: Who was the Knight no-one expected to show up for the Battle?

A: Sir Prise

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides
The first kingdom is rich and powerful like Galmair, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is humbler, but has its fair share of wealth and power, like Cadomyr. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army, like Runewick.

The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable resource to have. The first kingdom sends 100 of its finest knights, clad in the best armour and each with their own personal squire. The second kingdom sends 50 knights, with fine leather armour and a few dozen squires of their own. The third kingdom sends their one and only knight, an elderly warrior who has long since passed his prime, with his own personal squire.

The night before the big battle, the knights in the first kingdom drink and party into the late hours of the night. The knights in the second kingdom aren't as well off, but have their own supply of grog and drink well into the night.

In the third camp, the faithful squire gets a rope and swings it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose, and hangs a pot from it. He fills the pot with stew and has a humble dinner with the old knight.

The next morning, the knights in the first two kingdoms are hungover and unable to fight, while the knight in the third kingdom is old weary, unable to get up.

In place of the knights, the squires from all three kingdoms go and fight. The battle lasts long into the night but by the time the dust settled, only one squire was left standing - the squire from the third kingdom.

And it just goes to show you that the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Q: What did the town crier say when the knight’s attendant went missing in the afternoon?

A: Its 4:04, page not found!!

Have a Happy Illa Day!!

Those were good, here's a few more...

Q: How do Knights communicate ?

A: Chain mail

A Dirty Joke from the 14th Century ((It's PG))
The joke comes to us from Jean de Conde of Hainaut, born 1275:

A game of truth-telling is being played at court by a Queen and her retinue. A knight is asked by the Queen if he has fathered any children; he is forced to admit that he has not.

The Queen nods in assent, saying "you do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress when you hold her naked in your arms. For your beard is little more than the kind of fuzz that ladies have in certain places, and it is easy to tell from the state of the hay whether the pitchfork is any good."

On his turn, the knight asks "Lady, answer me without deceit. Is there hair between your legs?" When she replies, "none at all", he comments, "Indeed I do believe you, for grass does not grow on a well-beaten path."

A knight’s brother was slain in battle by monster
Knight: I will avenge the death of my brother!

Hunter: You have my bow!

Warrior: And my axe!

Mage: And my staff!

Necromancer: And your dead brother!

Knight vs dragon
A knight is fighting a dragon. He cuts its head, but the dragon grows two new heads. The knight cuts them, but the dragon grows 4 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 8 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 16 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 32 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 64 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 128 heads. The knight cuts them and the dragon is finally dead.

It was an 8-bit dragon.

Have a Happy Illa Day!

To end the week, I once again bid you a good Knight!


Two contestants, Malchus and Bernie, stood to face each other in a Tournament in Cadomyr

They both unsheathed their weapons, ready to duel

Malchus drew his gemmed Drow Sword, confident he would defeat his opponent with wit and skill.

Bernie drew a large block of cheddar cheese

Malchus scoffed and said, "And just how to you expect to best me with that?!"

"That's easy," said Bernie. " It's extra sharp."

"Once a KIng, always a King!

but Once a Knight...is enough for any Man!" ~ Unknown Dad Joke

A knight was complimenting a blacksmith on his armor crafting skills

The blacksmith responded, "It is my strong suit"

and...

Q: What did the blacksmith say to the knight when he delivered the knight’s new armor?

A: You’ve got mail!

Have a Happy Illa Day!!

Ok, those jokes hurt, so let's heal a little with these...

Q: What does a Mage take when he's sick?

A: Caster Oil



Q: Why didn't the Fighter attend the Ceremony?

A: Food poisoning

and...

Q: Why didn't the Thief attend the Ceremony?

A: Too busy poisoning food.

Some Adventurers hear rumors of an ancient evil treasure. Hoping to find it, they summon a lesser demon to show them the way. "I don't know where it is, but I know someone who might," says the lesser Demon and shows them another summoning ritual. The second summoning brings a greater Demon. He greets his friend and the Adventurers ask if it knows where the treasure is. The Greater Demon admits it doesn't, but an Elder Demon might. When the group summons the Elder Demon, it says it knows exactly where it is and teleports them all in a puff of brimstone. The Adventurers open the evil looking chest before them with trepidation only to find it empty. "You tricked us!" cried the Party leader.
"Actually," says the Mage, "I think the real treasure is the fiends we made along the way."

Have a Happy Illa Day!!

Happy Sunday!!

Q: What's nine feet long, has six legs and flies?

A: Three dead Halflings.


Q: Why do Mages wear Robes?

A: They got a lot of stares running around naked.


Q: Why can't you tell jokes about a King?

A: They aren't subjects.


Q: Did you hear about the human who was snatched by the undead?

A: Don't worry, he's all wight now.

Have a Happy Illa Day!!

Happy Monday everyone!!!

Q: What do you call a mounted Knight who works for nothing?

A: A Free-lancer


Q: Why should digging for clay and sand in Cadomyr be more popular?

A: It would be another way to show your shovelry


Q: Why was Queen Rosilyn unhappy about the gathering clouds outside?

A: It was going to be another Reigny day!


Q: Finally, Why is Cadomyr better to visit after dark?

A: It has a great Knight life!


Have a Happy Illa Day!!

It's the month of Irmas, so let's talk Trade!!

There was once a rich merchant ...
...who owned a slave named Manuel who was very good at hiding his thoughts and feelings. This merchant would often have his slave negotiate trade deals, very much to the merchants profit. This was the case because it was a well-known fact of that...

Nobody reads the owner's Manuel.

Q: What does a nautical merchant do?

A: They sale

a man wakes up on a merchant ship after a night of heavy drinking
upon waking, he is greeted by the ship's captain, who offers him a hearty handshake and a loaf of bread.

The man quickly realizes he's been shanghaied and asks when and where he will be able to get back to shore.

the captain laughs and says, "well it's going to be a few months young man, but we are very happy out here at sea and im sure you too will find some happiness out here."

As the captain shows him around the ship, describing the different jobs he will be expected to do, the man notices a sailor near the back of the ship with his eyes closed and making strange noises.

He peeks his head around a shroud, and notices that the sailor is hugging a large barrel with his pants around his ankles. The sailor steps back, pulls up his pants, and goes back to work. About 10 minutes later, he sees another sailor belly up to the barrel and do the exact same thing.

The man asks the captain what these sailors are doing, and the captain tells him, "That's how we stay so happy out here for so long. Any time you are feeling anxious and missing the comforts of home, you can go to the back of the ship and stick your johnson in that barrel. Why don't you go try it?"

The man walks up to the barrel, drops his pants and sticks his business in the hole in the side. He experiences the most pleasure he's ever felt, and when he's finished he tells the captain, "that was amazing! I'm going to be going to that barrel every single day!"

"well," says the captain, "you can go to the barrel every day except Wednesday."

"why not Wednesday?" the man asks.

the captain answers, "Wednesday is your turn in the barrel."

Q: Why does no one like fish merchants?

A: Because they selfish.


Have a Happy Illa Day!!

Let's trade a few more jokes...

Q: What did the Merchant say after having a good trade?

A: Good Buy!!

My friend Jack is a prolific and unscrupulous trader, he has made a profit on everything
from Silks to Cows, once he even purchased an enslaved Nun. Calls himself Jack of All Trades, and Master of Nun.

Two men in a desert
Two men are wandering the Kantabi desert. They've been there for days, and can't remember how they got there; the only thing in their minds right now is that they need water to survive another day in this scorching heat.

Midday passes, and the men are succumbing to despair - but wait, what's this? They see a shimmering outline of a wall in the distance. This is the first sign of life they can remember seeing, and so they rush over to it. They find it's one of the walls of a small market town.

Overjoyed, the men rush through the gates and see that the only things inside the walls are three battered market stalls, each manned by a single trader. They rush over to the nearest one.

"Please, kind stranger, we've been wandering the desert for days and we desperately need water, do you have some?"

The stranger pauses for a moment, then replies, "No sirs, I do not have any water. But I can give you some of this delicious strawberry cake."

The men let out a small simultaneous sigh, thank the man for his offer (whilst kind, they really need water rather than food) and rush over to the next stall in the hope that the next merchant has some, any, water.

Again they repeat their plea: "Please, kind stranger, we've been wandering the desert for days and we desperately need water, do you have some?"

This next merchant pauses and regards the men, before saying, "No sirs, I have no water. Only this fine and tasty custard pie to offer you."

The men sigh even deeper this time - custard is too thick and too solid to sate their growing thirsts. They quickly thank the man for his time and desperately rush over to the last stall in the town.

In a pleading voice they cry, "Please, kind stranger, we've been wandering the desert for days and we desperately need water, do you have some?"

This trader pauses for the longest time, and just when the men are about to turn away, he says: "No, I am sorry, gentlemen, but I have no water; however, if you would like, I sell tasty cheese which you might like."

The men cry out aloud in despair; no water is to be found in this town, and their hopes have been dashed on the rocks of insupply. They trudge wearily out of the small market town, hoping against hope that they can find a place with water before the day is out.

Five hundred paces from the walls, one man turns to the other and asks:

"Did you notice that that market was a little strange?"

The other replies,

"Yes, it was a trifle bazaar."

A Salkamerian tourist in the Galmair marketplace was offered a large skull by a street trader
"This is the skull of Great Queen Finistria for only One hundred Silver Coins!" said the trader.

The tourist says, "No thank you, it's far too expensive."

Then the trader produces a small skull and says, "How about this one?"

The tourist asks, "Whose skull is that?"

The trader replies, "Tis the skull of Great Queen Finistria when she was a little girl!"

Have a Happy Illa Day!!

Morning! NIce day for fishing, aint it? Huh-he! - Baelin, Village of Honeywood

Yep, let's talk about fishing!!

One day, two guys Malchus and Bernie, were out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they’re fishing by, and Bernie takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by. Malchus said, “Gee Bernie, I didn’t know you had it in you!” Bernie replied, “It’s the least I could do. After all, I was married to her for 30 years.”


Q: Why did the husband go fishing during Siros?

A: To catch his wife a bouquet of flounders!


Three fishermen were fishing when they came upon the Goddess Tanora. The Goddess offered them one wish each. The first fisherman said, “Double my Intelligence!” So, the Goddess did it and to his surprise, he started reciting Books he'd never read from Runewick.
Then the second fisherman said, “Triple my Intelligence!” And sure enough, the Goddess did it and amazingly he started writing laws, making business plans and calculating taxes as if he was the Don himself.
The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the Goddess to quadruple his Intelligence and the Goddess said, “Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!” The fisherman said “Yes” So, the Goddess turned him into a woman.


Q: Where do fish keep their money?

A: In a riverbank.


Have a Happy Illa Day!!

As I prepare for my trip to New Orleans, I booked an Airboat trip! So cool! I wonder what they say about boats...

Q: Why couldn't the sailors play a game of cards?

A: Because the captain was standing on the deck

A very nervous first-time crew member says to the skipper, “Do boats like this sink very often?”
“Not too often,” replied the skipper. “Usually only once.”

Q: What do you call at least three and 1/7ths (Just a Tail) rodents on a boat?

A: Pi-rats

The Old Sea Captain
An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down.

The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color…. green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

After a while, the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.

“What’s the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?

The old captain replied, “Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!”

Have a Happy Illa Day!!

It's a little late, but like the ghost titanic coming into port....better late than never!

A very nervous first-time crew member says to the skipper, “Do boats like this sink very often?”
“Not too often,” replied the skipper. “Usually only once.”

Q: What do you call a ship that’s 50% off?

A: A sale boat

Two men are sitting at the Harbour one day, looking at the boats coming in and leaving. One turns to his friend and says, "I'll bet I could beat those boats in a race!" The friend replies, "Wow! You must be a fast swimmer!"

Q: How do you get a blind man to see?

A: By boat


Have a Happy Illa Da....Night!!

It's now Malas IG, the month of the Hunter, so let's talk about hunting...

A deer hunter messes up another hunt, something that's happened to him more times and in more ways than he could count. He would spot a buck, take careful aim with his bow, fire, and miss. Or he'd sneak up close just to get busted and watch the deer run away. Or he'd sneeze just as the buck came into range. Or he'd fall asleep in the tree, waking in time to watch a giant buck scamper away. Frustrated, he complains to his hunting buddies: "Everything that happens to guys that don't know how to hunt keeps happening to me!"

Q: Which side of a whitetail deer has the most meat?

A: The inside!

Two beginner deer hunters weren't having any luck, so they ask for advice from an old timer. "You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs," he tells them. The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods. At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, "Maybe tomorrow we'll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher tree."

Q: Why did the deer get braces?

A: He had buck teeth.


Have a Happy Illa Day!!

More about hunting....

Q: What did the hunters eat while hunting for a deer?

A: They ate sour-doe bread.

I meet guy with a deer on the end of each arm, He was bambidextrous.

Q: Why did the deer cross the road?

A: To prove he wasn’t a chicken.

One day, while hunting, a kid asked his father what the name of the deer that lost both of his eyes was? The father replied, “Sorry, I have no I-deer.”

Have a Happy Illa Day!! - Merry Christmas/Froliche Weihnacten!!

Merry Christmas Illarion!!

A band of adventurers accept a quest, to slay the Orc King.
Before heading out to fight the Orc King, they head to town to hire a mercenary.
The first one is a swordsman, who asks for 100 gold to join them.
The second is an archer, who wants 200 gold for her services.
The last one is a Spearman, who is willing to do it just for the experience...

...He's a freelancer.

Q: Why couldn't the wizard go on his quest?

A: He had a staff infection

A man was promised success by the owner of a giant beanstalk.
The man, who was desperate for a break in life, accepted. He began to climb the beanstalk, after 30 minutes of climbing, he came to a door. Upon opening the door he was greeted by a beautiful blonde woman, who said "you can stay with me and do whatever you like, or continue the climb to success." The man considers this, but decides he would rather have life long fulfilment. He continues to climb. An hour later, he comes to another door. On the other side, a beautiful brunette, says "you can stay with me and do whatever you like, or continue the climb to success." The man is tempted, but decides his goal is more important than this woman. Yet another hour later, he makes it to another door. On the other side of this door is the most beautiful redhead he had ever seen. She says "you can stay with me and do whatever you like, or continue the climb to success." He spends five whole minutes weighing his options, but finally decides to finish his journey, no matter what. The man, now fully bought into his quest, climbs for two whole more hours. The man finally reaches a door, and opens it. On the other side is a hideous ogre, he turns and smirks at the man. "Who are you?" Asks the man "where can I find the key to my success?" The ogre laughs and replies, "Pleased to meet you, my name's Cess."

Have a Happy Illa Day!!

Here's to two months! Yay! Let's try for three!
Every Noob is sent to kill Rats - so....

Did you know that rats are under-rated? Seriously, you should check your dictionary.

Q: How can you get a rat to smile?

A: You tell it some cheesy jokes.

Rats are a weapon of mouse destruction.

Have a Happy Illa Day!!