Family

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Sat Jan 28, 2006 11:24 pm

Rhiannon sat at the edge of her bed, her knees curled up to her chin, and stared across the room at the little basket that sat there. Inside the basket, a small child of no more than 18 months slept, his dark hair framing a small, neat face.

So little... so innocent... and there's no one to protect him now, except me. I can't even take care of myself. How am I supposed to take care of my brother, too?

The girl's face was very pale, and her eyes looked shadowed and tired. Her hair, though still neat and clean, didn't shine quite as much and was pulled back into a careless ponytail at the back of her head.

In her mind, memories replayed themselves...

Memories of long ago, when she was very small, and her mother, eyes a beautiful, silvery shade, had sung her to sleep, and her older brother had teased her and cared for her. Why couldn't it have lasted like this?

Memories of the time after her mother died, how her father and her brother had gotten into fights, over and over again, how Anither had sometimes screamed at Rhiannon to just do things right to keep thier father happy, how other times Anither would shield his younger sister with his own body, taking whatever blows their father dealt. Mother, why did you leave me?

Memories of a time after that, when Anither had left Rhiannon and their father all alone in that house. Of all the times, now that Anither was gone, that there was no one to protect Rhiannon anymore. Why didn't you take me with you?

Memories of a time far later, when Rhiannon had taken all that her young body and spirit could endure, and had fled in one dark, bloody night, fled from her father's home. How he had found her again, far later, and had hurt her once more. Why haven't you ever been able to love me?

Memories of Aokan and Anither, both her brothers, one adopted and one by birth. Memories of both of them, changing from protective love of her, to evil intentions and trying to bring harm to her. Why did you both become this way, and leave me so alone?

Memories, then, of her adoption by Caitlin Fergus and Pendar Fayed, the brief happiness and its bitter end. Caitlin, lying in death, her body still warm but her spirit obviously departed. Her eyes, empty and lifeless. Oh, why did you have to leave me? Mother, mother, now you have left me twice.

Memories, even now. Memories of Pendar's careless manner as he told her, 'Oh yes, by the way, I've moved to Varshikar'. The slow sinking in her heart even as she wished him luck, knowing that he was no longer her father, that he didn't want her, or Caden anymore. Caitlin had been the one thing that had held the family together. Without her, there was no family. besides, Rhiannon had never truly been a Fayed, anyway. Her given name was Feingrath, her true name perhaps even Halfmoon, but she was no Fayed, and never had been. All of that was gone now. And now there was only one question left: What is wrong with me, that makes everyone disappear and turn away from me?

She sighed and shook her head, refusing to let the tears that filled her eyes flow, and gazed across the room at the sleeping child.

If no one else is left, then it will.. it will be me. I will take care of you. I promised your mother, our mother. I promised, and so I will do it, even if it means throwing away everything else I ever wanted to do and become. Because I love Caitlin that much, and I owe her that much, for the brief happiness she brought me.

Meniellant · Post by **Meniellant** » Sun Jan 29, 2006 12:18 pm

Sitting in the library, Gordwayn tries to write another letter back home. Stacks of rumpled paper all around him proove his little sucess so far, he tries once more:

"Dearest parents,
Everything is well, for my part that is. I'm keeping up with the studies and am anxious about the first exams. I even met another student, her name's Rhiannon and her life wasn't too bright up to now. Currently she has to take care of her baby brother all by herself, because her mother died and her father left her. Could we, when I come back.. I'd realy liked to help her so could we possibly.. (these words are crossed out again)
she asked if she could come back with m..."

Gordwayn frowns and draws lines over the whole letter before rumpling it aswell, tossing it towards the others. He closes his eyes and leans back in the chair, taking a deep breath.

What to do... what to do... I can't even take care for myself... they'll never allow that..

Thoughts were racing through his head.

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Sun Jan 29, 2006 9:38 pm

Rhiannon sits in her room, a second night relieved that Caden finally stopped crying. This time, Lance had been the one to eventually make him stop, but when Lance had tried to talk with Rhiannon after, she wasn't able to say much before closing herself in her room again.

"I.. I really like Lance, as a friend," she said quietly across the room to Caden's sleeping form, as though the baby will provide her with some much needed answers, "But... I saw the way that Gordwayn frowned a little when I told him that Lance helps me with Caden.. And.. considering what's already happened... I really don't want to lose Gordwayn. He's really sweet and kind to me, and he's just a wonderful person. I feel terrible that I've hurt him already, by the things I've done and just the things I didn't know. I.. I really, really like him, Caden. But.. I still want Lance to be my friend. I don't think I can have both....

What do I do ... ?"

Her voice trailed off, and she shook her head burying her face in her pillow. After a minute, she put her hand under the pillow and drew out a little book that sat there, sitting up straight again, and taking a piece of charcoal from the table. She began to scribble words in the book...

Lance Thunnigan · Post by **Lance Thunnigan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 1:43 am

Lance Thunnigan walked down the cobblestone path towards the Inn, his bag bulging with many bundles of freshly sheared sheep's wool. He enterred the Inn, and walked to the depot and deposited his large bag of wool, giving a polite wave to Nebaar.

Hearing a voice in a room, a familiar voice, he decides to go. He walks casually up to the door and gives it a slight knock, thumping on it three times.

He patiently waited, listening to the movement from within the room.

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 1:46 am

Rhiannon stops writing in her diary and muttering to Caden, and looks up towards the door.

"Uhm... come in.." she says quietly, slipping the book back under her pillow. She slides over to the foot of the bed and sits there, knowing the knocker is one of two people, and unsure which one she'd rather it be.

Lance Thunnigan · Post by **Lance Thunnigan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 1:48 am

Lance opens the door slowly and steps in, seeing Rhiannon. His face brights up in almost an instant, his gaze also directed at Caden; waving lightly to him.

He turns and closes the door behind him and stands near the table in her room.

He looks back to Rhiannon with a slight smile creeping over his lips,
"Mh.. Hello Rhiannon, how's you?"

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 1:52 am

Rhiannon 's gray eyes reflect a good deal of worry, and are a little bit red around the edges. her cheeks are a little shiny too, like tears ran down them recently.

"Oh.. I'm fine," she says, despite outward appearances, "Uhm... and Caden's fine, too. Mairead and I took him for a walk... he likes being in the forest... like.. like his mother..."

She trails off and swallows once, and then blinks, refocusing on Lance.

"I.. uhm... how are you?" she seems anxious about something ..

Lance Thunnigan · Post by **Lance Thunnigan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 1:56 am

Lance notices her appearance, taking it into consideration as he speaks, knowing obviously something's happened, or something to that level.

"I am fine.. I heard your voice and decided I'd come and say hello..."
"How are things with you and Gordwayn going, Rhi?" He asks, almost eager to know.

He hops atop the table and sits down, focusing his gaze upon her once more.

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 2:04 am

Rhiannon immediately looks to the floor.

"Fine," she answers a little too quickly, and a little too firmly, maybe indicating that things aren't fine, or maybe just knowing why Lance wants to know.

"Everything's.. just.. fine," she says again, and clenches her hands together in her lap. "I, uhm... Everything is fine..."

Then her eyes fall to his wrist, and the little ring of grasses that is tied to it: the ring she gave him a long time ago, as a symbol of their friendship, long before any kind of romantic tension arose between her and him, and her and Gordwayn. The little ring of grass that Arynne had given Rhiannon long ago, to remind her that she wasn't alone. And once, a while ago now, she had wanted to remind Lance of the same thing.

After a moment, she looks at him seriously "Can I talk to you...?" she asks tremulously, "Just.. just as my.. best friend.. and nothing more?"

Lance Thunnigan · Post by **Lance Thunnigan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 2:06 am

Lance nods and smiles.

"Of course, what's it?"

Lance looks to her, noticing most of her actions, studdering, her quickness to reply, many of these things he's caught.

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 2:12 am

Rhiannon looks at him and takes a deep breath.

"I... I think I made Gordwayn mad at me... and I know I hurt his feelings. I feel so terrible.. I don't know how to make it better..."

She takes a breath and explains,

"You know.. that I wasn't ever really told much about.. about, uhm, love and boyfriends, and things like that... and.. well... I didn't know, really, that you're only supposed to kiss someone if you're.. " she searches her memory, quoting an exact phrase, "practically engaged to them. And I.. well.. you know what I did... and.. uhm, he thinks that I would have kissed Dimhyd too, just to keep him from leaving me, and..."

She takes another breath, her eyes a little bright again.

"And I don't want to admit it, but he's probably right! I.. I am just so afraid of people leaving me... that I'd do almost anything to keep from being all alone again.... Oh, Lance, I'm so afraid that he's right. What if I... what if I care more about whether or not he leaves me, than about his feelings?"

Lance Thunnigan · Post by **Lance Thunnigan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 2:16 am

Lance ponders a moment and looks to her,
"Rhiannon, if they truely love you.. They won't leave you, it's what I believe, and what I stick to."

"Gordwayn doesn't know what he's talking about, practically engaged, peh. He should know that kissing is just a way to show ones affection to another, whether it be a, meaningful one, or a simple peck on the cheek."

"I don't believe that kisses are limited to, engaged peoples, because it's not true."

Lance stops and breathes a moment, tossing his warm cloak to the side of the room, occasionally glancing at Caden.

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 2:22 am

Rhiannon shakes her head a little. "No... no, it's not.. not like that. I really, really liked Gordwayn. That's why I wanted to kiss him. But.. I did a really, really bad thing when I... uhm..." she stops and her cheeks turn pink and she shakes her head and then continues

"And.. I.. do still like Gordwayn, a lot, but..." she frowns, shaking her head a little, "I'm so confused. I don't know if I want to be 'practically engaged' to anyone yet. I mean... I know I really like him now, but.. but what if some day he does move away, or I have to because of Caden, or... " she shakes her head again "I just don't know. I feel terrible, because I know that I've hurt his feelings a lot. I don't want to. I'd rather do anything but that."

She thinks a minute, trying to gather her thoughts again.

"Lance... I mean... if you were Gordwayn... what could I do to make you feel better, after... after the mistakes I made?"

Lance Thunnigan · Post by **Lance Thunnigan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 2:27 am

Lance sighs deeply a moment, pondering over her words.

"Rhiannon, I don't know what Gordwayn would think, we're the complete opposite eachother.. But, if I were you--

Lance stops a moment, sighing once more, trying to find words.

"You shouldn't worry.. If he truely, 'really really likes' you back, he'll know why you made the decisions you did, and be able to put himself into your shoes.."

Lance ends his sentence with a quick glance to Caden, then returning his darkbrown eyes to Rhiannon.

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 2:33 am

Rhiannon ponders this for a moment, her gray eyes growing slightly dark. Then she looks up and says something very quietly.

"If it had been the other way around, and he had kissed someone else, I think I would have broken up with him."

She lowers her face again, and doesn't raise it until after making a couple of brushing motions across her eyes.

"That's part of what's bothering me. It's like, I'm not even good enough to meet my own standards."

Lance Thunnigan · Post by **Lance Thunnigan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 2:38 am

Lance looks to Rhiannon thoughtfully, though his voice stern.

"Rhiannon, honestly, I don't like the way you put yourself down all the time, why do you do that to yourself, can't you see what it's doing to you? You don't think you're good enough for anyone, you don't think anybody loves you.. You think you're alone.

I can't stand it when you do that to yourself, it hurts me honestly, to see you do it to yourself actually. All you have to do is ponder on your life and think about the ones who loved and love you, who are here, and who stayed. And take a look what you have now, many friends... a.. new .. boyfriend... Things couldn't be better for you..."

Lance nods at his words and looks to her once more.

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 2:44 am

Rhiannon looks at him a moment.

"When I was really little, I had a wonderful mother and an older brother that adored me. After that, my mother died, but at least I had my brother, and he protected me from my father... But Anither left, too. I was alone for so long, and I.. I couldn't even recount half of the things that happened in that time, because I don't think I'm strong enough to think about them ever again.

After that, I came to Gobiath, and I found Anither again, and for awhile I had him and Aokan, and I was happy... and then both of them were lost to me. Finally, I had Pendar and Caitlin, and I thought I finally had some place to belong to. I lost that, too."

She bites her lip, determined that she's already cried enough tears for one day.

"Every time I let myself be happy, it's all snatched away from me. I can only wonder... how much longer until the next time...?"

Now, she can't stop the tears that well in her eyes and roll down her cheeks. She pulls her knees up to her chin and curls into a defensive ball.

Lance Thunnigan · Post by **Lance Thunnigan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 2:49 am

Lance hops off the table and sits next to her, he hesitates a moment, but then rests his arm comfortingly around her.

Lance whispers into her ear,
"Rhiannon, that's all in the past. This is the present, think about now. don't think on the past, as it will weigh you down everytime something new comes into your life and makes you happy, because you will become accustomed to losing it, and expect that, that is what's going to happen."

"If you do that, you will never truely be happy..." Lance speaks honestly, as if he knows all that he speaks, possibly from past experience.

Lance finishes his whisper, but continues to hold her gently in his arms, comforting her.

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 2:52 am

Rhiannon struggles with something in her mind, and for the slightest fraction of a second she lets herself be comforted by Lance, but with an apparent show of willpower, she pushes his arms off and slides out from his embrace to stand up on the floor.

"I.. you're... a boy," she says helplessly, "I can't.. you know I can't... it.. wouldn't look right..."

Her shoulders shake and she moves across the room and leans over Caden's basket to hide the tears that keep falling, and the conflicting thoughts that war behind her eyes.

Lance Thunnigan · Post by **Lance Thunnigan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 2:58 am

Lance watches her helplessly, not knowing what to do as he sees the tears fall to the floor near Caden's basket.

"Rhi... I.. Don't know what to do. I'm helping you as best I can, but I just end up hurting you even more..

Lance lets out a soft sigh,

"I'm sorry.."

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:03 am

Rhiannon looks down at her baby brother, his form blurred through her tears. She says something so quietly, that it is obvious Lance is not intended to hear it.

"Why do I feel like this? It makes everything so much harder..."

Louder, she says,

"I just wish things could be simple."

Lance Thunnigan · Post by **Lance Thunnigan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:06 am

Lance's ears pirck up, obviously hearing her whisper; his ears are tipped, as if elvish in origin.

He stands and walks nearer to Rhiannon, though doesn't get so close to her this time.

"Rhiannon.. Why do you feel like you do all the time? What is it that's making you hurt so much?"

Lance inquires gently, his voice soft, but hinted with concern.

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:10 am

Rhiannon turns her head slightly, but a lock of hair falls from behind her ears and covers her face from the side so her expression still can't be seen.

"I just... wonder sometimes if I'm making the right decisions..."

She takes a sighing little breath and bites her lip, though he probably can't see behind her hair. "You make it hard sometimes, too."

Her shoulders shake and a little more hair falls forward.

Lance Thunnigan · Post by **Lance Thunnigan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:12 am

Lance thinks on her words a moment, giving nothing but a slight nod.

"I'm sure you are.. If your decisions are made from your heart.."

Lance pauses a moment, thinking on the rest of her words,

"W.. Why do I make it hard for you, Rhiannon... Is there something wrong, or? ..."

Lance looks to her once more, his gaze locked.

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:18 am

Rhiannon still makes sure her hair is carefully hiding her eyes.

"N.. no... On both counts," is all she says, and her shoulders shake still more.

She is quiet for a few minutes, and then she leans down to Caden again, stroking the child's cheek softly. She rises again after a few minutes and glances at Lance, her eyes flashing a lot of strong emotions, all tangled together. She turns her head hastily, the hair falling forward again, and he might detect that her heart is beating really fast, and she trembles not only with tears, but with trepidation.

Lance Thunnigan · Post by **Lance Thunnigan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:20 am

Lance walks up to her and places his hand on her shoulder, moving beside her. He uses the knife-end of his hand to raise her head to his; his gaze locked on her eyes.

"Rhiannon..I-- "

Lance stops, not knowing what to say, but his eyes stay fixed upon hers, intent upon keeping their mark.

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:26 am

Rhiannon's eyes are overbright with tears, both shed and unshed, and in them swim so many feelings, so many thoughts.. it might be almost impossible to untangle them.. but he can probably distinguish a lot of sadness, and might begin to see that her sadness extends far beyond the surface of her current problems. In her eyes are the roots of a sadness so deep that it might take many years or more for her to completely heal from it. It's a look that doesn't rightfully belong to a girl so young, but it's undeniably there.

A small, strangled whisper begins to escape her lips.

"I liek Gordwayn very much." the whisper is almost defenseive, and a little too insisting.

Something in her eyes conflicts, though... something in her eyes shows a very deep warmth for the boy in front of her too.

But what is it?

For one of these boys, she shares a close friendship, and possibly a crush as well, and for the other... for the other is the little spark amidst the clouds of her sadness... the bright silver light in the rolling fogs of gray in her eyes. For one of these boys, she manages to keep going.

But which one is it?

Her face suggests even the girl herself doesn't know this.

Lance Thunnigan · Post by **Lance Thunnigan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:30 am

Lance whispers back,
"I have no doubts that you don't like Gord alot..

but, what do you think of me?"

Lance asks, eager to hear her reply, like something inside him -has- to know.

.Rhiannon. · Post by **.Rhiannon.** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:35 am

Rhiannon 's jaw trembles and her eyes remain locked onto Lance's.

"I don't know," she whispers, "I just don't know."

Another tear escapes her eyes and falls down her pale cheek, and she can only look at Lance hopelessly.

"It always seems so easy to call you my friend, until you're standing here and all I want in the whole world is to hug you."

She bites her lip, partly to prevent more tears, and he might see the guilt that overshadows her eyes too.

Lance Thunnigan · Post by **Lance Thunnigan** » Mon Jan 30, 2006 3:39 am

Lance lets out a slight smile, though one can see an obvious look of confusion, and concern.

Lance doesn't hesitate, he walks up to her and embraces her firmly, yet gentle in touch. He smiles, as the warmth of their bodies intertwine, and mix together.

Though he doesn't say anything, he steps back, but looks down. Not knowing what she'd do.