The Annals of Gamliel

[Gamliel]

All is cold and a frigid wind bites the air
Snow covers the ground in every single lair
Up above, a grey blanket of thick clouds
Down below, there is no trace of any crowds

Yet, in my heart, a fire burns still
A call for me to climb another hill
Whither I should go, I do know naught
But the utter end is just what I sought.

On and on, the road goes ever on
And what of the time that is gone?
In circles, I have traveled in a dither
To play a fine tune on life's zither

Mistakes of the distant past
Haunt and crush me at last
I trudge on and slowly endure
With precious little for sure...

[Gamliel]

Sinking into the hot tub, my weariness fades
Blinking dreamily, everything passes in a haze
Trepidation for the morrow, I keep it at bay
For now, I hold to the promise: it will be okay

The irretrievable past is but foggy memory
What counts is that the present is merry
Because I still have quite a long way to go
And who am I to cry and protest "no"?

By chance, I came into this world unbidden
Somehow, I hope to make it out unridden
The thought of the very lengthy years ahead
I would lie to say it fills me not with dread

Friendless and abandoned I finish my bath
Perhaps, one day we'll walk the same path
I wish that you'll fare well and have joy
Well met, greetings, and don't be so coy.

[Gamliel]

Blinding white light reflects upon the snow
A thousand gems set on fire all aglow
Rivers and streams of strangers all around
They pass by like this with nary a sound

I once did think of flying far away
Now I see that I really have no say
A caged bird am I with my wings clipped too
Many struggles with but little to do

Creature comforts aplenty there are
Delicacies from the four seas afar
I am yearning for the freedom of old
Long before I was cruelly bought and sold

Apocalypse does reign in each corner
Time rolls grandly on while I just flounder
If only, I might quickly speed the clock
Or awaken not from slumber's numbing lock.

[Gamliel]

Outside, snow drizzles
Inside, a fizzle
But it's all okay
My demons at bay

Every breath I take
Is for Heaven's sake!
T'is a miracle
That's the debacle

I tire of living
Each day I'm sinning
An endless cycle
Where's my bicycle?

A brand new morning
A new beginning
Yet nowhere to go
Again to and fro

[Gamliel]

Tossing and turning on my cramped bed
Did nothing to stand me in good stead
Frittered away all my precious time
It turns out it all turns on a dime

Cold limbs and chillier fingertips
Tortuous, twisted back and sore hips
Where I am going I do know not
I live day by day; such is my lot

The past has been utter drudgery
None sympathized with my misery
The bright spots so few and far between
It's as if God were out to be mean

They disturb and wake me up, you see
And castigate me so unfairly
There is little opportunity
In short, for me to truly be me

[Gamliel]

In a rage, I broke my member
Now it is no longer limber
T'was to fix its unhappy curve
That I bent it and with some verve

What's done now cannot be undone
The consequences are not fun
Easy to start the ball rolling
Hard to stop it from destroying

The prejudices conspired to
Immobilize and and make me rue
Whereas the physical abuse
Made me think your love was a ruse

The future is largely unknown
Seeds of disaster have been sown
All my childhood adversity
Stalked me to university

[Gamliel]

You have been heaping scorn
Since the day I was born
So much awful neglect
Belonging to a sect

They say bad is easy
And good is just sleazy
In my experience
It makes no difference

Whether you fight or flight
No escape from the blight
Experimentation
Every last injection

Implanted a device
Tracking me, oh so nice
Much bloodshed and torture
Just around the corner

[Gamliel]

A waking nightmare
With scarcely a hair
To show for the fright
It was quite a sight

My mind was controlled
Message made me bold
In a conundrum
Be killed or kill some

Monsters everywhere
All around I stare
Thought I'd be crippled
Instead was followed

Into hospital
For problems mental
I need medicine
It is not a sin

[Gamliel]

You spurned my love
O my small dove
I'm despondent
Will it relent?

So harsh so loud
Why were you proud?
Looking down on
Me, like a con

Your deception
My redemption
I was so wronged
Where I belonged

You led me on
I'm not a John
Stringing along
Just like a song

[Gamliel]

This is really not the life I dreamed of
Where is the wonder, and where is the love?
Everyday I think of disappearing
Because my disappointment keeps leering

There is nothing to do, nothing to do
Everywhere there is just the horrid flu
I am trapped in this slice of history
To what end? It is all a mystery

The skies are brightening, snow is melting
God is giving the world a good welting
I don't know how much longer I can last
A pity since I used to have a blast

If only, another path had been mine
I never did recall having to sign
I live and breathe for yet another day
How things unfold, I have but little say!

[Gamliel]

Soft, morning light does penetrate
The sun rises now, like or hate
I am alive, that's all that counts
Never mind, haven't any mounts

Somehow, I may find my own way
Though I know not the land nor lay
The key is best friends and something
To do, to make a song and sing

My mind, at long last, is in peace
The waves have consented to cease
Turmoil of yesterday is gone
The lines of war have been redrawn

I am tired and now go to sleep
To plunge the abyss and the deep
Where once was kraken and monster
Now there is only clear water

[Gamliel]

What should I do, what should I do?
I don't even know you from who
Yesterday, we may have been friends
Today, we need to make amends

Where do I go, where do I go?
Why must you always say: "No, no"
You used to follow where I led
Now you insist to make me dread

I no longer know what to do
In fact, sometimes, I want to sue
Since you don't consider my needs
And care only about your leads

One day, you may find me absent
When you want from me a present
Do not complain then about me
You started it and could foresee

[Gamliel]

Plans to prosper and not to harm
Said the Lord with his mighty arm
Why do I feel so desperate
And have I not been temperate?

I can do naught but cling dearly
To the hope that I will merely
Be another wild forest tree
Growing in tumultuous sea

Fire and thunderstorm I have seen
Burning and soaking I have been
Yet here I stand yet amidst all
The axe-man has gone to the ball

The sun shines upon my dear face
Injustice, I can make the case
But I would really just rather
Shower and be in a lather

[Gamliel]

I fumble
I stumble
I bumble
Everything is a mess
But I couldn't care less

Still, why must I keep making the same mistake?
It is rather annoying, for Heaven's sake!
I do know what should be done
Nothing new under the sun

Still, doubts creep up from time to time
And nothing is for certain in my rhyme
I must keep in mind: curiosity killed the cat
And everyone hunted the treacherous bat

Still, what may I do in the days ahead
What can be done is being done, so I said
My past, a miserable existence
The present, a prison sentence

Will it perchance end?
In folly
Or jolly

[Gamliel]

I look into the abyss
And I am not a sis
If I go now, there may be pain
But at least I will not be insane

A cool breeze blows
I have many owes
Lest I forget
To pay off my debt

They say: life is good
Perhaps I have misunderstood
But the future seems so uncertain
And I would like to unburden

I came all in a hurry
My heart was all a flurry
Now I return
To further discern

[Gamliel]

I feel very lonely tonight
Aimless, weary, and not quite right
Nobody knows or cares for me
A somebody, I am not he

For my birthday, nobody came
I celebrated all the same
Lost and alone I lie in bed
Waiting for sleep to come instead

I have wandered through this planet
Like a scared and dazed wild rabbit
There's nothing for me anywhere
Just a lot of abandoned hair

Where am I going in this life?
I want an end to all this strife
I seek to make many old friends
Will I succeed? It all depends.

[Gamliel]

When you are gone, what will become of me?
Who will I speak to, care for, and accompany?
All around are strangers in their own bubbles,
Never did they take any mind to my troubles.

And why would they start now or later?
It is not as if anyone is there to cater
To my needs as you have long done
Please don't die, the war is unwon!

Everything hangs on a gossamer thread
It is not death but life that I do dread
Without you I will truly be distraught
Like a little fly in a web that is caught

Twisting and wriggling but with no relief
Where is my lady and where is my fief?
Am I destined to languish and to flounder
Alone, with only memories of times fonder?

[Gamliel]

We have already cried. Now we are laughing.
We lift our heads to watch the sky.
A few little stars are shining still...

We sing the song of time
To understand the true meaning
Of being there for each other.

Because I just ran into you by pure serendipity
Leaving footprints together would be beautiful

The wind blows, flowers fall, tears flow like rain
Because I don't want to part with you
Because I just ran into you by pure serendipity

And having left ten year's worth of oaths
If we meet again,
I think I will remember you!

[Gamliel]

It is getting colder and I am getting older.
Whatever I dreamed of - it was not this
If I could only turn back time, how I would do things differently!

But time rolls on like an unstoppable flood
Sweeping us all into oblivion and beyond

For what, were we brought here?
To merely suffer and overcome?

Life used to be such inimitable delight
Now I fear it is more akin to wanton fright

What to do to get out of this trap with no way out?
Feels like I am just passing the time but going nowhere

They said it would get better
I'd like to send them a letter

[Gamliel]

I am at my wit's end.
What to do? Where to go?
Every way I turn is a dead-end

Reach for the very top
Be sure not to stop
Not until you drop

Become a part of the 1%
Partnered, wealthy, and happy
And don't get too sappy

But in the end I am alone
My skills to once again hone
No one hears me moan...

[Gamliel]

They say the stars exploded a long time ago, and we are the result.
Thus, we are literally stardust. Here today and gone tomorrow.
When I look up at the starry night sky, I see our ancestors twinkling warmly at us in benign concern.
When I look into your eyes, their celestial depths like twin supernovas never cease to amaze me.

You, my dear, have bones older than the dragons of yore.
For the dragons came, aye, but, alas, they are gone now.
Yet still we live and continue as a race, as we have often done for the past several hundred millennia.
I expect we will not outlive our lofty origins. Even so, we are here the culmination of many trials and tribulations.

That is something to remark upon indeed.
For from dust we came and to dust we shall return.
And what is a man if not the sum total of all his experiences and lessons learned?
Briefly burning in the Great Dark Void, flickering silently as a candle buffeted by the storm winds?

[Gamliel]

Irmorom the Shaper
He is the Maker
From earthen dust
We came and must
Eventually return
Ere the world burn...

Sons of Irmorom arise!
'Gainst the Dragon and her lies!
Fire, fire, all is fire
And lo, behold: the merinium chains stuck in the mire

Flame-forged, steel hewn chains
Trusty as a horse's reigns
Forgemasters, bring them nigh
Lest the world heave a sigh

That the great evil isn't bound
And Clanwardens make nary a sound
It may be so one day, but not this day
I shout to the Worldsmith, while I yet have a say
My voice rings true
Felled is You-Know-Who.

[Gamliel]

On a faded, golden brown parchment are the following black runic letters:

pre-dawn: a quiet, warm kind of darkness.
a wolf howls in the distance
there - do you hear it?
there - an answer in the pale dark out of the susurration of trees.
dogs, barking.
a horse whuffles.
stamps its feet.
it is the first morning of all the mornings of the world.
the steppes are waking from their slumber.
close your eyes. listen. listen.
do you hear it?

(Yue Lin Lee, 2016)

Gamliel sings the above in a wistful tone of voice with a sigh. It is an old, traditional ballad of his long-lost nomadic dwarven people. Though he is now Unhorsed, he has never forgotten.

[Gamliel]

On living without expectation

Today I slept in until ten
And only moved to
Stretch my arms
And I did not apologize for it.

I cry easily now
And love even easier.

When I walk outside,
It is to feel the sun on my skin
Not to win an invisible race.

I do not have room for any anger.
I forgive the world
For trying to harden me.
It has only made me warmer.

What a relief
To untie the knot in my shoulders
And unclench my fist.

I like this life, now
Especially when it rains,
And when people sing.

(mjm.poetry, 2022)

[Gamliel]

A frigid shoulder
An icy stare
With disapproving consternation
With scornful rebuke

What has he done to deserve such?
It is all really a bit too much!
How can he accept this?
When it is all mud and piss?

Should he add to his burdens
And treat himself as if unworthy of love
Perhaps self-isolate and torture the self with masochism
As if that would bring about the enemy's satisfaction

You have always been jealous
Thus, ill at ease with peace
Driven to narrow-minded, petty hatreds, prejudices, and biases
Your generosity was an empty gesture bereft and devoid of any real kindness
Your so-called benevolence a farcical scam!