Illarion.org

Posted: **Tue Nov 11, 2014 3:32 pm**

Flame,

I'm so sorry. I did everything I could to get you out of this mess, I really did. It wasn't your fault.

If anyone is to blame, it would be me, for my carelessness and lack of propriety in regards to my nobility, and to your feelings. I've handled everything so poorly that I don't even know where to begin to explain.

Perhaps with THAT night? You know which one I mean.

Gods, I couldn't be more of an idiot for how I treated you afterward. It portrayed my reputation to the fullest extent, something I didn't want you to be a part of. In some way, I do care for you, though most parts of me refuse to admit that aloud. I was taught to take what I wanted, and clearly that's not the proper attitude to have when handling a woman's heart.

And Gods, did I mess that up.

That night, before I left you on your own, was wonderful. I couldn't have asked for a more loving and lovely, even, partner to share that night with, and I don't regret anything that we did. I'd do it all over again, except this time, I would stay until you woke up the next morning, the light filtering through the ceiling setting your hair ablaze with the sunrise. I'd watch you blush when you see me. I'd get to see the sleepy smile on your lips.

I'd get to see you.

I hope this letter finds you well, and perhaps even happy, if that's possible at this point.

Fondly,

Chaol.

Posted: **Wed Nov 12, 2014 2:14 am**

Flame,

I love you.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

I'm sorry for loving you.

Fondly,

Chaol

Posted: **Wed Nov 12, 2014 1:51 pm**

Flame,

I saw a girl today with red hair like yours while walking the streets of the Salk capital. I ran up to her, thinking it was you, and was painfully made realized that it was, in fact, not you. She didn't have your wide grey eyes are that innocent look about her that you exude. She punched me square in the gut for touching her shoulder, then she bought me a drink.

Her name is Mirela and she is a soldier's daughter born and raised in the capital. We talked for several hours last night. I apologized for touching her shoulder, and for calling her out as someone else. Mirela asked me to tell her who you are, but I couldn't. I couldn't spoil the image I had of you by laying all my mistakes before another person. What happened is between you and me, not some girl from Salk.

We became quick friends, drinking, playing dice, riding, even going on a few hunting parties with her father and other soldiers. I take solace in her present, though nothing more than what a friend would ask for. Mirela understands, or at least she says she does.

For now, I'll accept that and keep going at the pace I'm at. Between Mirela and my uncle's business, I've little time left, and that time is spent thinking of you, Finley.

I'm sorry.

Fondly,

Chaol

Posted: **Wed Nov 12, 2014 5:14 pm**

Flame,

It's been a few months since my last letter, and I'm sorry. I've been doing a lot of traveling lately; right now I'm in Albar with Mirela. She decided to travel with me, to see other lands and such.

She asked me about you last night. Not a single word about you in two months and out of the blue, she asks when we are sitting at dinner in a tavern. Mirela wanted to know who you are and why I called her by your name when I first saw her.

I told her a shortened version of our story, of how I messed up. She sympathized, a bit. I asked her why she really came with me afterward. When she told me how she felt, I was shocked, to be honest. I don't think I'm deserving of any love from anyone. I told her as much, and that I couldn't offer her more than the relationship we already had.

Mirela isn't speaking to me now, though I don't blame her.

I miss you.

Fondly,

Chaol

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