Illarion.org

If one were to look near the window of the first cell of the jail, the would see a few papers sitting there, possibly to read or not


Here I sit, first of Naras I think, atleast Azuros told me it was morning
when he visited. Yes, I am in a cell now, I don't know if it is locked. I shall
check now, in fact. Yes, it seemed fooser locked it, I shook it with all my
might. Though, I am not too strong, so that may be the root of this
problem. Maybe I should try and train a bit, I was never good at it, but if I
cannot even open a door it may be a sign. My knee hurts slightly, like it is
stiff I think. Apparently, I think dark forces did it. Well, I don't think, that
isn't to say they may have its just I do not know, but it seems Fooser
thinks so. Its a bit chilly in here, the wind sweeps through the small entry
way near me and rushes through the window. It is morning though, it may
get warmer, the day can do things like that. Its funny how it can do such
drastic changes that can mutate the whole situation. Such as lightness,
although I've seen days where they aren't so light, but that isn't to say
there is any. I mean to say, that in the day it is often sunny, given that
there are no clouds, atleast a superfluous amounts that block the sun, but
it can be rather sunny on some days. It warms things up and often
unshades from the night. Bringing those certain woman that solicite near
the moon and the thieves and vagabonds into hiding, not to say that they
hide at night, but they just take more precautions in the day for it is much
more apparent. Now, that isn't to say the day brings others into
appearance, infact it does, misers begin there work now for the
aforementioned thieves are less likely to steal from them, so it is only
natural for them to do such things. Well, the misers cover the men, but
the ladies take on a new name. Atleast, that is all they take on differently
and the lack of money crossing hands, but their business is usually the
same yes. If you could call it a business, I think it is. So much of it going
on that it must have some other sources of reason than just pleasure.
Though, they are gracious hosts I must admit, atleast to the employee,
but the observer is quite shocked. I can only speak from the observer
point, but I must imagine that if the employees felt as ashamed, well that
is not the correct, but they woud not be partaking in such actions as often
as I have seen. So, I know there must be something to it, though I have
yet to find this out, atleast from first hand experience, that isn't to say I
have my theories on these reasons. I mean, one can deduct, or...induct, I
think it is one of those. Either way, I can still postulate to these reasons,
for example social meanings. Socially, there must be something to gain
for they do it in quite a manner that it is displayed to everyone. I would
assume this open display would be for some reason, some reason to
boast these happenings to others, for if it were embarrasing they'd take
more discretion in their actions. They could also be just stupid and without
a clue or notion to what they have done or even are doing now. Another
possibility could be I'm rather unnoticed on account I have been called
quiet before. I suppose I could have snuck by without knowing, as I have
been told I stutter, but I do not notice either. I suppose I'm quite different
than I think. That worries me a bit, for I probably have many vices that I
don't know about and cannot fix, I mean to say that my certain faults
might be attributed to these other veiled vices but I cannot notice these.
Which brings me to another point, if I am able to learn about these
problems from outside forces, how am I to fix them. Such as, how am I to
know that I have done something different if I cannot originally know what
I did. It is like comparing two things that you cannot see, for the
comparison would make no progress. As well, if I did feel the difference,
that would mean I did not change for I did not feel the original state and
one could conclude that the original state that I didn't feel was still not
fixed, as I cannot gain a grasp to the problem. I suppose I could only fix it
through help of another person, possibly through repitition, I could state
things over and over, see if my body changes without me knowing it.
Then I could pinpoint that one moment and state I fixed the problem,
though only temporarily, and it will begin again as soon as the person left.
If I even had the ability to cure these foils, then what would that mean? It
would mean I would just create more and have more problems to deal
with. Possibly worse ones than my former ones, possibly better. Its hard
to say as I haven't done this yet. Would I even know if I cured it? What if
these foils weren't the cause of my problems, then I could cure them
without even the slightest clue. Would I even want to cure them? No, not if
they didn't help, all that effort put forth to change nothing just seems like
a waste of nothing, but a waste of nothing I wouldn't feel for I cannot feel
it in the first place and therefore I could be wasting much time and not
even notice it. That is quite frightening, that I could be wasting so much
time and not even have a clue. I'd like to think I'd have some knowledge
to my life. Such as my "stiffening" leg, though that word seems to be
wrong. It isn't so much stiff, no, for it has the ability to bend still. I meant
to say that when I move my leg I feel a slight more discomfort in the
knee, in this way it is "stiff". And, now I begin to realize something, I
think. Maybe. It could quite possibly be that this ailment, if not treated
now, will continue to exist without me be anymore aware of its apparent
disfunction, just as the other foils. For, those constraints brought upon by
certain conditions are not felt by me anymore, but still exist. Possibly, for
it is hard to say. Though, If I was to cure it now, then something worse
may happen. Indeed, I could just give myself a life time of pain, for if I
could not cure it a year from now, when I am unaware, how can I cure it
now? I would only be curing my ignorance of it, which seems like that
would be quite bad. I would rather, clearly, be unaware of a pain if there
is no cure, for that a way is a cure. If I cannot feel it what is pain?
Though, I'm sure it would still exist, though percieved and not felt from
the others. Instead, they would observe my pain through a limp possibly,
telling me I must be in great pain since I am limping, and I would respond
negatively. Possibly, but I would know that, in all technical means, I am in
pain yet I cannot feel it. Though, I suppose I would still be conscience of
it, as my stride would be defect and this would become apparent, but I
would not feel the source. Which is much better than observing both, I'd
rather have one than the combined, for that just seems illogical. I think. It
is hard to say now, especially now, since I don't know. If I make a wrong
decision, I could not take it back, that is to say that if I made the wrong
decision, relieving me of my pain, I could not take this back. Though, if I
decided to stay with my knee, I suppose it could be phased out once
again with time. Maybe I will just keep it for now, but how? Possibly if I
just keep my mind on it; that seems a bit illogical at the moment. Such a
waste of time to prevent a waste of time, as I do not want to waste more
time in the future, but preventing it from wasting it now! Bah, its too much
to think about, I know this. Thinking about the leg, thinking about the
thinking about the leg, going back to just the leg, then the thought, then
her, then the leg, then the thought, then her, then the breeze from the
window, then the chirp of the bird, then her, then the though, then the leg,
and so on, I believe you understand the meaning of it now and how I
came to the conclusion that I won't think much more often, though I may.
I think. Possibly. I wonder when I will get out of this cell, its getting a bit
boring, but nothing much different on the outside, not much different. A
bit, yes, because all has some difference than others. Like a lake
compared to a plain, yes one is wet, but that is where the differences end,
atleast in such terms. Though, I suppose I have to rely on such things as
society, its a bit harder to do this though. I mean to say that I've gotten
crossed messages, and not ones that result from two different sources,
no, but ones that are sprung from the same soul. The only difference is
time, and I assume that is what changes. I've been told that a governor
should act more stately than I, for I assume that is how a governor shall
act. Though, before I was a governor, I've acted as such, and was
shunned by these same people. It is strange, is a governor only allowed
to act stately, for I have seen others, even in the vinicity of these
nay-sayers who did not raise there voice. Too many circumstances to
even begin to come to an adequate conclusion, I assume. I could be
wrong, I could act more stately, but on what terms? What shall I act on?
Even on these points, I get the mixed messages still. I should do this, or
that, but not this, for that is wrong and this is the way. Later, no that is the
way, for this has been proved wrong because this and that have now been
wrong all along, the other is now the correct choice, but when will the
other stop being correct and ANother becomes the norm? For AN and
nothing are very different, I can tell. AN consists of two letters, and "A"
and and "N", while nothing consists of no letters. Or is it seven letters,
N-O-T-H-I-N-G, yes that makes seven, but its not nothingother, or it could
be. I haven't thought on it in a while and I might have forgotten, or worse,
it might have changed. It worries me, maybe I am at fault not because I
never noticed them, but because I never noticed the change. What if
language changed, and stuttering was the norm? At that time, it was not
even stuttering, it was speaking, but then man became more efficient and
changed. How could I not notice? Such a thing would seem obvious, but I
cannot even notice the difference between Other and Nothingother, so I
am not one to speak. Well, I am, but not on such subjects as there is too
much left unanswered for me to even make a logical conclusion, or even
make a conclusion based on any evidence, for if I can contradict myself
on these subjects, than they are unfounded. If I can prove myself wrong,
then anyone is able to, or is it the other way around? For, if I could prove
myself wrong with my own abilities and means, then I can counteract their
statements, already knowing what they are to say. If I did not know,
however, I would be befundled when their point did arise, and as such,
unprepared. My leg, seems to have subsided a little, that is to say that to
my perception it has subsided. For, as mentioned prior to this sentence, I
may still be in pain, maybe I shall walk now to see if I limp a bit. It seems
to be, atleast to all my means, I did not limp. Though, it is a possibility
that I could not limp for I do not notice the ailment and therefore will not
react to it! Or is it the other way around? That I do have the ailment and
the reaction to such a thing, but I cannot notice anymore. Maybe I have
always limped for my whole life but only now and feeling the cause of this
limp. Though, I still cannot reach a conclusion for they are all plausible. I
wonder what she is doing right now? Possibly work or such things, I mean
to say that there is not natural light in the cell, so I have to assume it is
day, right? Or is it night? It could be possible that the whole world has
ended and I haven't a clue, for fooser has woken me, I awoke on my
own. I could have slept for years and not noticed it, though my beard isn't
longer. Does a beard grow when you are asleep? I would assume so, for
if it didn't how would the laziest of men grow such long beards. I mean to
say that it is natural to attribute long locks for laziness, atleast in my
eyes. I don't think I do much, and look at me, Fooser has more than once
told me to trim it. Maybe I shall, maybe I shall find out how much a beard
grows when one sleep and then use it as a measurement of time, a
failproof system I can be sure of this. I just heard someone sighed, and I
missed the chance to speak with them. I wonder what this sigh was for,
there could be many reasons. To be poor, to be rich, to be hated, to be
love, to be IN love. Yes, it is odd how such a thing like love can bring such
pain, though, a more accurate phrase might be to be OUT of love, or OUT
love, for one feels it but is not recieving? Maybe, or maybe not. The sigh
could be a sigh of pleasure, but it didn't sound like it, I could be wrong.
Nowing this place, and my location in this cell, a sigh of pleasure would be
more than logical to assume. Though, they are only allowed to solicite in
town and not perform the act, though I doubt that would stop them. It
hasn't stopped others before, I know for I have seen or more precisely
heard. For a wall is hard to see through, but not to hear through.
Especially not to hear through when they become so loud that a town
could hear. I think the pain in my leg is coming back, but not the pain the
discomfort. It seems to be no worse, or no better. Though, that is hard to
say, for with time, if things remain stagnant, they are seen as worse. That
is to say, that if a prolonged discomfort remains with time, it is endured
and therefore worse than it was a minute ago. So, my leg, in essence is
worse when compared to time, as it should feel better now, logically I
think. But, without time in the situation, it is the same, I can stretch and
move it with a bit of discomfort. Maybe I should stop stretching it for that
way it will heal, but it is a reckless way to heal, for if it worsens, then I
wouldn't know until I stretched it again. This would put me in a worse
position, for I would have no way to heal it and it would be in pain, not
discomfort. So, I think I shall stop stretching it, because if I stretch it then
it will remain constant with time and become worse anyway, so then, I am
to be in the same situation either way. I will choose to rest it and see what
happens, possibly it could get better. This way, I will have atleast a
chance. I can hear the stream flowing outside the cell, so quite, it must be
night. But night and day here are almost alike, that is the people change
but not the occurences. Thieves become misers, prostitutes become free,
and there is still an element of quiteness around the town. Maybe a
stream gets louder at night, some effect of the night I bet. Bet? Hrm, I still
owe Arameh those coins, and Lady Meryadeles, and Orlo, but we shall
forget Orlo, yes. I haven't seen him for a while, so I can assume he left,
and even if he did, years have passed. He was a rich man, he probably
forgot by now. Oh, I forget, poor are those who for get, that is how they
arrive at their financial state. The rich always remember, always. You can
tell a rich man by his memory, not only his money. So, I hope he had
moved, but that won't stop him. A rich man will always go to great lengths
to gain money, and even greater ones to obtain his rightful sum, which in
this case is the latter. So, I should best worry about him, if not atleast not
forget that I should forget him. To forget him is to be surprised, which I
often am surprised. I know, I will forget him by tomorrow, and in a week
he will arrive demaning his money, and I will haven't a clue of it. I think
Fooser took advantage of my memory and got a few silvers off me, I
don't remember. He probably didn't, I would have forgotten by now so,
the fact that I remember it is proof that it is not true for I would have,
without a doubt, forgotten it. So then, how can I even be sure of anything,
I think I can. I know, one thing, I know I haven't forgotten someone, I
don't think. I can remember her name still. I can remember two names,
now that I think of it, though I may have forgotten the first. Not the first
that I remember, but the first that I had known, it started with an M, I
believe. It could have been a T, though, but I am sure it was ONE of
them, it has to be. I, I know the other that is for sure, I do not forget that
quickly. Do I? I don't think so, I could have forgotten that though. Its
funny how this jail is, a bit. I mean, its nicer than writing on a log, the
table and all. Set up all prepared and such. The bed is not far either, so I
can easily live my life within a few steps of movement, which will help, or
hurt my leg. I suppose time will tell, but it may not for it could stay the
same and therefore be worse. But the tiles are cold, atleast cold
compared to the chair and table and ever the bed. Or is the bed and table
warmer than the tile? Or is it both? Or does it matter? Possibly, that is to
say that if I am cold I know it is because of the tiles and if I am hot it is
because of the bed, and therefore I can manipulate such things to fix the
situation. Though, what if I do not know I am cold? Then I may be
discomforted without even knowing, that really makes me uncomfortable.
So, I must be cold then, I think I shall move to the bed, for I can continue
to write. Its rather nice here, a change of scenery. Instead of the floor, I
see the wall now, it is quite different. It is more structured, the floor is
more abstract, I mean to say, the patterns in each. They are both
structure in body for if they were not, I would not be in the building, but in
the rubble of the building, and that would, with no doubt, trouble my knee
even further. I think I will take a nap for now, I am getting rather
tired....it must be night.

Another stack is added

I woke up now, I think it was one day for my beard isn't any longer than it was when I went to sleep, not noticably that is. I walked a few steps to the chair, and I didn't notice the pain, but did I really walk with my bad leg? I cannot remember, it is a possibility. I think I hear birds, but I cannot be sure, its muffled from these walls. Anyway, I had a thought, about Orlo.

Aside from my previous predictions, I didn't forget about him yet, although it may not be tomorrow for it still is today, in my mind. Unless I slept through the night and day to the next day. Well, I know I will forget about Orlo, since I know I do not owe him money. It seems, that if I remembered his name from so long ago, it must be that I made him up because how could I remember him from, let say, two or three years ago. It is entirely possibly, that by this time, that I made up my bank, though I doubt it. False memories don't make others beg, thats not the right work, for money. Unless, of course, they knew of this ailment and decided to take advantage of it, though I doubt it. I hardly speak of the bank anymore, I think it failed, so why should I speak of it, and since I do not mention, then how can others KNOW that I made it up if they do not know it never existed. That is of course, assuming I made it up, though I know I didn't. So, I must not have made up the bank, or they debtors. It is quite possible I made up Orlo, for I only remember seeing him once, though it is quite possible that I forgot the other circumstances in which we would have greeted each other. So, now I realize that it is VERY possible that he does exist and the sum of 175 silvers, I believe, is in order to grace his pockets. It could have been less, it could have been more, I'd have to check my old records which I've think I've misplaced. So, it could as well be 17.5 silvers, or 1.75 silvers, or even .175, or even .0175, no not the last. That is too small a sum to even invest, but the others are clearly logical, I say. Forgetting a simple "." is quite easy, if I can forget an entire person, then a simple symbol is well within reason. I think it was 1.75 silvers, but that would be lying because I wouldn't be worried over such a little sum, though its possible. Me being in quite the debt lately, then its possible that 175 coppers could worry me, so that is completely possible.

175 coppers, how would I even begin to obtain that? I mean to say, is how did I use to obtain such an amount. I remember, I think, a while ago when I could collect twice that amount within hours, something to do with flowers I think. Picking them or something, selling too maybe, for picking flowers only gives you flowers and not copper. Though, I wonder who I sold them too, that is to say that it seems the simple romance of flowers is long passed on this isle. I don't think such formalities are even given a second, if not even FIRST, thought, instead of giving they take away, clothes that is. Atleast, for the moment, this is a speculation too, for I've never really seen such things. I've heard there is no clothes involved, but its hard to hear the rustle of fabric through a wall. Not hearing this rustle is not proof that there is no clothes, but it just shows that the other sounds created by this act will overtake the simple noise of rubbing fabric. Its quite embarrasing actually, that if I ever were in a situation where the formalities that I wouldn't have a clue how to proceed, and it would be quite a hinderance, both the clothes and the lack of this knowledge. I think I'd know enough to continue, yes, but it would be odd to not perform the right conduct when in this situation. Imagine, me with or without garments, obviously bound to make the wrong decision, and be in a position to explain myself. Quite embarrasing, I do say. In fact, so embarrasing that I might just leave when she is not attempting me, so when she goes away for a moment, I would slip out in to the night, or day. Though, I could assume that if she DOES take leave for a moment, giving me a window of opportunity to escape, then I would be safe to assume that she has left to undress, though maybe not. Maybe there is a certain suit that is more suitable for this, though if she was to leave for that moment, whytake the vanity of leaving to do such a motion. So, I'd of course run, hoping there is a window.

Ah, I hear a voice now. It seems to be stephen, though I cannot be sure, I may have forgotten his voice. He affirmed, yes, he could lie, but I doubt it. I have my reasons to doubt it, but I will not go into such intricacies as it may insult, or even compliment him. Either one, I am not sure to which would occur, but I would not want to take my chances, so I move my leg again. Its worsened, in the sense that with time it has stayed the same. Stephen says he will stay with me, for some reason. He is rather silent now, I suppose I shall let him make the first move, as it always is. I would make a fool of myself, or atleast bore him to death. So I wait a bit, writing, waiting, writing, waiting, writing, not to forget breathing of course, I wouldn't want to forget that. That would be a foolish thing to forget, breathing. Can one forget it? For if they forget it, how would they know? They would be dead, and not able to make the assumption they forgot to breath. Another person speaks, I cannot tell if it is male of female, male I think. I spoke for a moment, yes, not much, as usual. A simple statement, that I know is not false, I don't hear voices that aren't there. I know this, if one of the only things, I am sure of it. Its silent once again, I hear me breathing, good, I won't die now.

My mind is blank for the moment, I think. Thats a hard thing to say, for I am breathing and therefore thinking. I wonder if they are still there? Stephen and the stranger, I think I hear some rustling of clothing, I hope that doesn't mean. No, I doubt it, its not possible. Either way, Its not too strange to say that its not out of the realm of possibility, stranger things have happened. I think they have, it depends on the two people, but for now, I won't exclude the possibility. To exclude the possibility is to make an assumption, and it would be unfounded. Clearly, taking this assumption would be to set oneself up for a big mistake, for it will undoubtably be wrong. Oh! The man speaks, he says "The Same kind that I was?". What kind? He was once a kind? Is he still not that kind? I assume he isn't for he stated that he was ONCE it, but not anymore. Sometimes we are not precise with our language. Stephen responded "Mhm" and something about maggie and turning out! Oh dear, it is! I bet the clothing does stay ON! How could he even begin, see, I told you I hear it a lot. "IT is a little cold" stephen says, well of course. I know it is cold, I have to sit near these tiles all day, of course it is cold! I have a body, I can feel such things! I think I can, because I should move to the bed for I am cold.

There, much warmer, I think. It should be soon, these changes aren't quick. They come on you so slow that you don't notice it, like my stuttering, and then it is too late to say you are comfortable and you must move to the chair. Then the chair becomes to cold, and you move to the bed which becomes to hot and so on. Oh dear, the formalties begin, If I had some flowers I could speed these things up. They keep continuing. Aha! Maybe if this does progress to certain actions, I could be privy to the moment and see if there are clothes are not, which are used that is. Oh, now speaking of loves, I am sure it is a woman, I think. Stephen is not that kind of man, not that I know him to be, then again I don't know much. Not of stephen that is, I thought I did. It wouldn't surprise me, you know, I bet he is that kind of man.
Either way, not in this instant, is a woman. Maybe I should peek out the window quickly, they might be starting! I cannot see anything, so I doubt that I will know of the answer to the clothing. WAIT, I heard metal being removed, this is possible, I may learn from only one sense. He loves her, he says. It is beginning, I can tell, the word was used it must be beginning. So, Metal is not used in this act, I know that much now. Though, Cloth is different and should not be compared to metal, so it is still inconclusive.

I think he is progressing, he should have brought a flower, it would have sped things up I think. If I could make 300 coppers a day from selling them, I'd think they would be of some use to increase the likelyhood of Love. Its gone silent again, left to my thoughts, as always. Even without silence, I still think, its annoying. Why do I have to think in all that commotion! There is no point, I don't think. Dammit, but I do so it annoys me. Now my mind is blank, I think, not it is not. Words, mumbles, I hear "MMMM!", I've heard that before! I know what it means, aha! Time to check. No luck, I can't see them. Hobbies, what good are hobbies, I suppose this is a hobby. A bit forced I must say, yes. Ah, it seems that they are just trading words, but meaningful words, in the context of love that is. I've heard it be called flirting once. I think, oh, now it is time to hear her least favorite hobby, I listen closely. Great insight would be...greatful, for lack of a better word, nothing fits it better. She is slow to respond, thinking I bet, always thinking, Why!? Oh, it isn't helpful, I was wrong. It wasn't great either, it was rather stupid though. I think I will forget it, if I can, it keeps repeating in my head now. I can't even forget it now! Great, now how am I to sleep with this phrase knocking against my head. Sleep, I'm somewhat tired now, I guess. Maybe just bored, it is hard to say now because I have slept already and I would think I am not sleeply, but I am.

My knee, hmm, I forgot about it. I will test it, see how its doing, well, I think its gotten better. Maybe forgetting about it is the key! I feel as so i've come up with that solution already, I don't think so, I will experiment with it. How can I forget it though, If I just remembered. The phrase, that could help. What phrase? Something about sleeping I think, oh, I've written it! Now I can remember it, but upon my inspection I did not write the phrase down, so it has left me. Wonderful, now how will I sleep if I cannot remember this phrase. No doubt, it will bug me all night and how am I to sleep if I am actively trying to remember this phrase. If only I could speak and ask this phrase for it would bring me much solace, I think. Allura Avery is her name, he stated it so. Stephen that is, though, I wonder, is he correct? Could he have forgotten her name? Not by chance, but by his vast knowledge of others like her. I don't know, I'm too tired to think about these things, maybe I will try and rest a bit.

Night is falling, I think, or is it rising? It depends, how can the sun rise and night fall? Either way, its getting darker and if I remember correctly, that means night is to come. I felt the grass today, it felt different. Though, I have never really felt the grass with my bare hand, not that I can remember. I know I must have, just by chances, as a little boy I didn't wear gloves so I must have touched the grass once then. Though, I cannot recall its feeling, but over here it is very rough, like small bristles. Though, I see some patches past them and they seem to be softer, with more luster than these ones, full of life they are. Not dry like the ones I touched now.

I think my legs gotten truly better, but I've been walking on it more, its hard to say what helps or hurts it. I've left it alone, I've walked on it, I've forgotten about it, I've thought upon it, though they all seem to lead to different places. So, I cannot say if I remembered which led to what and how to solve the problem. I even forget why I didn't want it to heal, but I can remember that I didn't want it to. That happens a lot, its peculiar. We, or I, take our memories as truth without reasons, I guess. I mean, I believe I don't want to leg to heal but I can't remember why, but I still know I do. Maybe I dont, it is really hard to say now. Sometimes I forget to itch my beard because I don't feel it, but I know it itches, it always does. I think it grew a bit today, it feels longer. I wonder if beards itch more when they are longer or do they itch less? I think more, for you have more bristles to start an itch, I think, though I could be wrong. I wonder why I scratch an itch, I just know it will comeback. So, should I start scratching all the time or just stop? Its hard to say, I think. Scratching forever would cause cramps and become annoying in the end, for it would be and endless struggle, but NOT scratching would become and endless struggle to try and resist to scratch.

But then, what would be the correct, I mean, if I was to find a correct way to itch my beard what would it be? The current situation is not suitable, for I am writing about it, I know this much. To not itch is too much, to always itch is too much. There must be some rate at which perfection is reached, between scratching and enduring an itch. Maybe I can begin to experiment on such things, make logs, make data, make observation, and in the end make assumptions. It be difficult to come to such a conclusion, I would have to say, off the top of my head that one scratch should be accompanied by two enduring of the itches. That would seem, to put least effort while still maintaining a comfortable living environment. I will test this out, I am sure. I will have to not forget to endure those TWO itches, or else I won't be comfortable. I think I shall use my one itch now, and I just did.

I wonder what stephen is up to, he seems rather busy. I bet I could speculate to his business. I would assume that he does more than fishing and things. I've never really fished, never tried, or had the inspiration to. I suppose I need more drive, I've been told I'm not to outgoing. The way I see it is others aren't outgoing ENOUGH, I mean, I think if they were I wouldn't need to be assertive. Possibly, though, I am at fault for my current state. Hard to believe such a thing can occur, its getting late now. I can see the time now, clearly, so I know I must go to bed for a bit.