Illarion.org

greebas, I am Lloyd a War General from the mainland. please read this entire story, it IS Long. but you may not get it without reading it througly.
as you may well know, the mainland is in ruins, fights and wars are common place wher eI come from and only the strongest survive. This is my story, If I make myself sound too much like a hero, I deserve it...well you'll see just read.

(I use dtrue to illarion facts from moonsilver)
(I wrote this in semi script form)
* view: a city lies in ruins, the sky is overcast and the scene is damp feeling, footsteps are heard in the distance.*

Leading orc: Squad STOP!!
The orcs, numbering about 10 -15 stop on que.
Leading orc: see if any of these buildings can be used as a base, if not look for bunkers or other salvageable fronts

A wiry orc speaks up, sort of like the runt of the squad

Wiry orc: LLoyd, sir. we will not find anything here, we should go to the northwest we can camp safely there

LLoyd, now introduced scowls at the wiry one.

Lloyd: HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF COWARING AWAY, YOU ARE UN WORTHY!

Others orcs gasp in awe

Lloyd: DON'T EVER SPEAK LIKE THAT TO ME AGAIN!

wiry orc: bbbbut sir! it is saf-

The orc has no time to finish, Lloyd had taken out his prized two handed sword and be headed him in a single ONE handed stroke.

LLoyd: do NOT make me repeat myself, DISMISSED!

the other orcs split up. except one.


last orc: is this really nessecarry?

LLoyd: it is the will of Emporer Gazdias

last orc: I understand.

*the scene changes to a underground building with semi midium sized holes near the roof, light filters in from outside, the pit pat of rain is heard.*

Orc Warroir: IN HERE!

The orc squad enters, now wet.

Lloyd: this will do nicely, good work I will see to a good word for you.

Orc warroir: Yessir.

Orc Warroir2: Sir look at this.

Lloyd walks ver to see what the orc is looking at, broken and partially melted stained glass still lies around the edge of the window.

Lloyd: this must be a sort of underground church, perhaps a final praying place?

*flashback to many years ago, a large city is in choas, people running for thier lives*

"Madrook Na'han  is coming to kill us!" they screamed

in a chamber in a castle at the far end of the city, made completly out of valuable goods. the gods confferd.

Bragon: WE SHOULD ATTACK THEM STRAIGHT ON!
Malachin: I agree! we should destroy them now! our creatures are dieing!
Ronagan: We should attack from behind, and close thier portals.
Moshran: or lead an attack on two fronts, catch them off guard.

the argument lasted for hours while the choas grew.

finally, a decision was made.

While a great army of the God's remaining forces, led by Brágon and Malachin, attacked the main forces of the enemy, Moshran led a small group of well chosen mortals to the back of their armies, in an attempt to destroy the portals. With him walked Ronagan, for secret operations were his nature. But unexpected, Madrook Na’han did not lead the troops on the battlefield himself. He was approaching the portals, and just turned around to face Moshran as they arrived. Ronagan started to fight his escort, and distracted them, while Moshran fought Madrook himself.

Moshran: you cannot defeat us! I will not let you!
Madrook: I WILL WIN! YOU ARE A FOOL!

the batlle lasted a long while, the area surrunded by pure energy flashese and hellis magic spells.
Moshran was retreating step after step, more on the brink of flight than to resist any longer. As Madrook Na’han saw this, his roar of laughter could be heard from afar. If that was all they could bring up, than this world would be his soon. For a quick victory, he dropped his shield, grabbed his huge sword with both hands, and raised it for the last fatal blow. This was the moment Moshran was waiting for.

Moshran: I must do it now!

Moshran grabs his sword and charges madrook, hitting him broadly in chest.

Madrook: UGH! thus it does not end! you will be cursed! YOU UGLY BASTARD! your bid to save this world was for nuaght!"

Moshran beheaded him with one blow,brains and "blood" flowwed ever whichway but the energy released from madrooks body severly injures him, nearly killing him.

the world was never the same until the age of discord, when the next battle was both won and lost.

moshran wa spissed off, his followers began harassing the world and the world was mostly destroyed by then a few small islands were prime for colonization, and the ruins of Nbaranoo laid in the mainland as well as the other great cities.

*end flashback*

Lloyd: this is strange, a church in one of these great cities ruins?

warroir3: mmmaybe this town is....Nabaranoo!

Lloyd: !WHAT? the first great capital of the gods?

warroir3: yyes sir.

Lloyd: then the Blood Worshippers  will want this place.

the orcs gasp again, then realise thier tasks.

Lloyd: settle this town, make a DANMED strong hold, begin weapons building and scavenging!

the orcs split up again.

*The scene changes to the gates of the town, a single bloddied man stumbles in.*

Lloyd: who are you! why are you here!?

injured man: Blood Worshippers are coming, save this city it is an order from Emporer Gazdias!

Lloyd: you are a REBEL

man: yes...-

the man dies there, Lloyd stands barking out orders

Lloyd: Suit up! get out the makeshift catapults, get your spells ready prepare to defend....(he adds with a low growl} Nabaranoo

the orcs scatter away.

EXPLOSIONS are heard, followed by screams and shouts of warnings

unknown: AHH BASTARDS!
Orc warroir: DIE FOOLISH MAN!

the orc kills then by slicing him LENGHWISE down the middle, he brains fall onto the orcs uniform.

Lloyd is battling one handed with the massive two handed sword, he is doing will

unknown:ughAHH!

LLoyd: DIE!

unknown: nononoAHHH!

Lloyd: YOU TO!

unknown: spare me please!

but the numbers of the enemies increase, Lloyd and the others begin to decrease in numbers, LLoyd runs out of a shelter, thinking he is undestructable,...a massieh

Lloyd: ARRRG DIE YOU DAMNED BUGGERS!

Lloyd is struck down, a deep gash runs along the right side of his rib cage, using his ast bit of energy he uses a massive Rah Kel and blows half of the enemies, all the severly suffering wounded soldiers away.

Lloyd flies through the air, seeminly lifeless, his runes spill out of his pockets over the barren land below him, the only thing he hangs onto is his sword.

Lloyd lands in the sea, half conscious.

Lloyd floats for days, managind in between pain flashes and black out to live off of sea fish.

*scene change: shore of an island, near the coast of the island with the city of trolls bane. the ELF island.*

LLoyd washes up on shore, the elfs help treat him for extended periods of time, Lloyd studies the are aclosely finding out about the other islands and The Bloodskulls. He remembers the names Gurok and Kazarak from doves he sent here. he got a reply often, him and gurok were good friends by now.

*Lloyd swims to trolls bane, where his journey now truely begins*

I am sure Malachin and the other gods have no interest in simple orc activities.
This is a story of lies... like the 'zombie masters' it made little sense to me.

you dare to call me a lier? shall I behead you!? perhaps feed you to theese ZOMBIE master. YOU ARE A LIER! you and you group of SMACKERS!

also, that happend many years before I was born, that was made to give a backround of the lands I came from.
note the FLASHBACK quotes at the beginning and end.

perhaps you should visit the moonsilver booksite?

www.moonsilver.de

I think...

=**) that was beuitful Lloyd...

I do like the main plot of the story... it's the stuff that legends come from. The problem is it needs a bit more work. I do not think that writing a legend in dialog form is a very good idea, and the dialogs do seem a bit stiff. So, take it, make it a compact text with less dialogs and more descriptions, and you've got a really nice background story.
Btw., Erdrick, read the legends. What Lloyd has written is based on true happenings that had place in the age of struggle. Moshran fought and killed Madrook Na'han in a duel while the dark army was fighting with Illarion's armies. The only thing that is not totally waterproof is that the Orks weren't created until the Age of Concord, Moshran made them. But this is a minor problem and I think that it can be fixed with one or two sentences of explanation.

Erdrick, HOW DARE YOU?!  SIMPLE ORC ACTIVITIES!!!  Erdrick you have angered me.  I demand either an explanation or your head.  You have two days.

A good story it might be depending on the literacy level of the reader, but a true and accurate flashback, it cannot be.
Let's analyze this a little closer: The story ends with "Lloyd swims to trolls bane, where his journey now truely begins"

Now as we know this Lloyd person only appeared in Troll's Bane recently, so the time that his story occured cannot be long ago. Even IF he is as old as he can be now and young as he could be when the story occured, I give it to have occured 200 years ago at most for an orc. But he claims the flashback of the gods is only a "flashback to many years ago". That makes the Age of Struggle only a little more than 200 years ago? No, that's impossible.

Even elves thousands of years old know little of the legends which happened ages and ages ago, but he claims to know these minor details which I cannot believe. Especially when the words of the gods are presented in an uncharismatic and unnoble manner.

I do not know whether of not the rest of this Lloyd's origin is true, but I must question whether or not he may have suffered brain damage when he was struck down. He uses many terms out of our time period such as "bunkers" and "squad". Sounds like this Lloyd might be possesed by the crazy spirit of sean or Lasukie, who also claimed to be such military strategists using these strange words.

The FLASHBACK part happen BEFORE I was BORN DYLUCK. It was a BACKROUND TO THE LAND I CAME FROM.
@ Gurok
you give him two much time, I would have given him two HOURS in a GOOD mood.

Dyluck, as Lloyd already said, it does not have to be himself, it might be an ancestor. And you must agree that the main part of the story agrees with the official legends, except of the Ork thing I mentioned earlier.
As I also said, the main plot of the story is what is good. It is a close up of already existing legends, which is good. It has some fighting, which makes a good legend. It has mystical elements, which add a bit spice. I totally agree with you that language used is not good... Exactly what I said before: Lloyd needs to take some more time and build a lot more flesh about the bones he has presented here. I do not see this story as a complete background story, as such it would be not very good. But as a sketch of what the complete story is to be, I think it is good enough - it has the elements a real good background story needs. Might you agree to this?

Erdrick how raceist,how rude,grr,as Gurok said explenation or your head 2 days

can't wait till april 10th if he doesn't have an explination. i like killing racist beasts. have a nice day



(i like the story, kept me occupied for a while.  much better than zombie master...)

@Lloyd: THEN NEXT TIME PICK YOUR WORDS  CAREFULLY AND FLASHBACK TO A "LONG LONG TIME" AGO INSTEAD OF ONLY "MANY YEARS" AGO, AND THANKS FOR NOT YELLING!

@Emhyr: Well, no I don't think the story plot itself is good, but you're welcome to think so.

Typical response from a huemon who makes casting useless tickle spells his life.

Oops. I haven't read these notes lately.
Gurok: The story was practically a carbon-copy of Zombie Master's, and where I was fed up with the inaccuracy and ineligibility was where some orcs attacked Lloyd or whoever it was. Now, then I see a bunch of gods forming a 4-god army, to attack a couple of orcs who attacked a mere mortal.
By Simple Orc Activities, I meant killing the human. The gods would certainly not give a D@*n.
Clemen: Watch your tongue, and I advise you, never challenge a guildmaster.

(Edited by Erdrick at 9:42 pm on April 9, 2002)

Erdrick, I am going to say this frank...
first Zombie master copied my story, notice the dates and times
second, your a moron and gurok should kill you anyways.

this is the last time I am going to repeat myself:
THE FLASH BACK PART HAPPEND MANY YEARS AGO, DURING THE AGES OF CONCORD AND DISCORD AND ALL OF THAt , IT WAS TO SHOW YOU THAT I CAME FROM THE MAIN LAND AND THAT IT IS A WRECK OVER THERE.

never challenge a guild master?

ok....

ERDRICK YOUR A DAMNED FOOL, AND I WILL PLAY MIND GAMES WITH YOU UNTIL YOUR BRAIN TURNS INTO FISH GUTS!

Some journey this has been!  Every third word in your story is DIE or something along those lines!  You story tells about you barking out orders?  Well, that's what your telling here!  Only this time you are ordering your own death.  Watch your tongue!  Or as you would say, "DIE"

oh, and if you want to see a real story that actually has some imagination and content, read the stories of the other people here.  They are ACTUAL long stories.

(Edited by Astral at 4:11 pm on April 9, 2002)

Edit:
pls different the chr´s
greets GMcFly

(Edited by GMcFly at 12:50 am on April 10, 2002)

FINE, i WILL REWRITE IN WORDS YOU HUEMON MUNKEYS CAN READ.

i will talk bad about whomever i want erdrick, guildmaster or not, especially if they talk bad about my race.  frankley, i think you smell worse than a dead pig's anus and i don't want to hear any more racial slurs from you.

Congratulations Clemen you are also added to this list.
If I said, simple Human activities, noone would complain.
So stop the pitiful whining, you are incorrect, I did not make racial remarks!

Actually Clemen, you seem to be LOOKING for things to twist into what you define as a racial remark.  Frankly, I dont think a god would be interested much in ANY race's SIMPLE activities.  And a little war seems to be all the rage with the orcs nowadays, so I would have no problem calling it a simple orc activity.  Perhaps a god would be interested in something a little better than simple and common behaviour.  So if you are looking for something to complain about, look elsewhere, you have no grounds to complain here.

Ok one more time

LISTEN YOU STUPID FOOLS! THE FLASHBACK PART HAPPEND BEFORE ANY OF YOU WERE BORN INCLUDING ME!


now stop putting down clemen becuase of his oppinions, if you want to go on MY list. The list of heads I want to shrink!

Ask a stupid question, expect a stupid answer.  Make a stupid remark, expect an ANGRY answer.  Lloyd if you continue with your snarky comments, you will be on MY list, not the other way around.  If you want to speak to my friends that way, expect something not very pretty in return.  There's you, thinking your so stong and all knowing.  If I see you, I will paralyze you and kill you with ra pens to prove my point, you insolent little rat.  Then maybe you'll realize that youre not the best of the bunch, rather that you are the sour grape.  If you want to challenge us, you really need your head examined (well, we already know that you do), and maybe more.  You act more like a mosquito than an orc, trying to bite someone not knowing that you will be squished.  But that's the fun in it.  Getting to squish you like the insect you are.

put me on your munkey list, I do not care if a mage who does not make sure his friends are safe before he is!
you will NOT insult MY friends huemon, "not the other way around, got it?"

I'll do as I please, you little brat.  Dont tell me what to do, I'll decide myself.  And right now I have decided to do a little target practice.  Dont worry, an arrow through the head doesn't hurt... much.

(Edited by Astral at 10:11 pm on April 12, 2002)