Illarion related jokes // Illarionbezogene Witze

Thariel Feuersturm · Post by **Thariel Feuersturm** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 6:13 am

Hehe, der war gut, Silas.

Nun hier habe ich auch noch einen:

Wie geht Stephen Rothman mit den Zwergen um?

Wie mit rohen Eiern: Er haut sie in die Pfanne...

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Was ist flüsiger als Wasser? William Elderberry, der ist überflüssig.

Was bestellt Retlak im Seahorse?
Ein Bier und ein Aufwischlappen

Archers of Illar: Lernen Sie Schießen und treffen Sie neue Freunde!

Sess'sth · Post by **Sess'sth** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 6:45 am

Nerian Finera: how do you make the armour of a dwarf just the half?
William Elderberry: Is this a joke?
Nerian Finera nods.
William Elderberry: Oh
William Elderberry: go on then
William Elderberry: Punchline please
Nerian Finera: nobody knows?
Nerian Finera: you wash him
Midrusio: Oh dear
Nerian Finera: in old language it sounds better

Translation:

Nerian Finera: How do you remove half of a dwarf's armor?
William Elderberry: I'm guessing this is a joke...?
Nerian Finera nods, "Sure is."
William Elderberry: Oh, alright. How?
Nerian Finera: You wash him!
Midrusio: Hahaha, hilaroius!
Nerian Finera: This quote had to be translated because German owns English. Why? Because it doesn't have more exceptions than rules...

Curse you, English language...

Juniper Onyx · Post by **Juniper Onyx** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 7:27 am

Two Halflings walk into a bar leading a Troll and a Skeleton by a leash.

They order a pint of ale for themselves and some water for their 'pets'.

The Bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of Joke?"

Bloodhearte · Post by **Bloodhearte** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 1:51 pm

One day, a dwarf walks into the tavern...full of shady types, ex-military, cloak n' dagger characters, you know the kind...so he walks up to the bar and orders a beer, and while drinking it, he notices a mean looking drow staring at him in the eyes. There are daggers in each of the drow's hands.

The dwarf knows the drow wants a fight. So while putting his beer down, the dwarf brushes against the drow's shoulder on the way outside. The drow follows.

Immediately, as the drow walks out, he says "dwarf, you're gonna die." The drow grins as he plays with his poorly maintained teeth with his tongue. The dwarf appears strained, he's turning red in the face, as if angry and wanting something to get out in response of the drow...

And that's when it happens. He shits his trousers so powerfully, the stench is pouring outside the tavern as if it were the Plague itself.

The drow takes a sniff...his face turns pale, he grunts, and his eyes roll in the back of his head. The drows lips twitch a bit...he falls, back first, on the cold ground where only those defeated in battle have the honor of lying on.

The dwarf strolls back in the tavern, and the keeper takes the gold for the beer. The keeper takes a slight sniffle and chuckles...he knows how it is.

The dwarf walks back off to Silverbrand into the sunset, as if from a poorly made cowboy movie.

Kevin Lightdot · Post by **Kevin Lightdot** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 2:40 pm

Bloodhearte wrote:One day, a dwarf walks into the tavern...full of shady types, ex-military, cloak n' dagger characters, you know the kind...so he walks up to the bar and orders a beer, and while drinking it, he notices a mean looking drow staring at him in the eyes. There are daggers in each of the drow's hands.

The dwarf knows the drow wants a fight. So while putting his beer down, the dwarf brushes against the drow's shoulder on the way outside. The drow follows.

Immediately, as the drow walks out, he says "dwarf, you're gonna die." The drow grins as he plays with his poorly maintained teeth with his tongue. The dwarf appears strained, he's turning red in the face, as if angry and wanting something to get out in response of the drow...

And that's when it happens. He shits his trousers so powerfully, the stench is pouring outside the tavern as if it were the Plague itself.

The drow takes a sniff...his face turns pale, he grunts, and his eyes roll in the back of his head. The drows lips twitch a bit...he falls, back first, on the cold ground where only those defeated in battle have the honor of lying on.

The dwarf strolls back in the tavern, and the keeper takes the gold for the beer. The keeper takes a slight sniffle and chuckles...he knows how it is.

The dwarf walks back off to Silverbrand into the sunset, as if from a poorly made cowboy movie.

Hey Aokan, need a hand with that?

Caldrion Sternenglanz · Mon Sep 18, 2006 11:21 pm

Wieso lachen Zwerge beim Onionballspielen

Weil ihnen die Grashalme die Eier kitzeln

Caldrion Sternenglanz · Wed Nov 01, 2006 11:18 pm

Ein neues Mitglied betritt die Gemeinschaft der Kallahorns.

Er muss mal und fragt, wo denn das stille Örtchen wäre.
Daraufhin Stephen trocken: "Hier in Trollsbane braucht man sowas nicht: hier bescheißt jeder jeden..."

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Warum spielt Stephen Rothman nie verstecken?
Weil ihn keiner sucht.

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Arameh wird von den Zwergen freigelassen und kommt zu der Ritterschaft zurück. Dort angekommen fragt er Stephen:
"ist jemand gekommen.?
"Ja." - "Wer?" - "Du."
Arameh versucht es anders: "ich meine, ob jemand hier war."
"Ja." - "Wer?" - "Ich."

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In Gobaith werden alle Frauen befragt, ob die mit Stephen Rothman ins Bett gehen würden.

2 % sagten: "ja" 3 % sagten: "nein" und 95% sagten: "nie wieder!"

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Was ist in Illarion die Definition einer Jungfrau?

Eine Frau, die schneller rennt als Rothmann.

Arameh · Post by **Arameh** » Thu Nov 02, 2006 12:12 am

lol I like the last one

Poots · Post by **Poots** » Thu Nov 02, 2006 3:16 am

freigelassen jemand Jungfrau ist in einen Zwergen um?

Nerian Finera · Post by **Nerian Finera** » Thu Nov 02, 2006 1:54 pm

Poots wrote:freigelassen jemand Jungfrau ist in einen Zwergen um?

freed someone virgin is in a dwarf by?

uhm...?

Korm Kormsen · Post by **Korm Kormsen** » Thu Nov 02, 2006 2:03 pm

der meint bestimmt Schneflittchen....

Poots · Post by **Poots** » Thu Nov 02, 2006 11:21 pm

Nerian Finera wrote:
Poots wrote:freigelassen jemand Jungfrau ist in einen Zwergen um?
freed someone virgin is in a dwarf by?

uhm...?

I think I've proved my point.

Korm Kormsen · Post by **Korm Kormsen** » Fri Nov 03, 2006 3:00 am

which point?
that was not nonsense, that was simply no sense.

Meriel Pelith · Post by **Meriel Pelith** » Fri Nov 03, 2006 11:01 pm

Caldrion! Rofl!
Die waren alle zu geil

Markous · Post by **Markous** » Fri Nov 03, 2006 11:17 pm

Azuros · Post by **Azuros** » Fri Nov 03, 2006 11:21 pm

ZOMG! A MAGIC COW!

Kevin Lightdot · Post by **Kevin Lightdot** » Fri Nov 03, 2006 11:23 pm

Kamantha!

Korm Kormsen · Post by **Korm Kormsen** » Fri Nov 03, 2006 11:36 pm

ggg

i always knew, that using magic has its side effects....

AlexRose · Post by **AlexRose** » Fri Nov 03, 2006 11:41 pm

Markous wrote:

Garett Gwenour · Post by **Garett Gwenour** » Fri Nov 03, 2006 11:51 pm

I wouldn't mind milking that cow's utters...

Skaalib Drurr · Post by **Skaalib Drurr** » Sat Nov 04, 2006 12:00 am

Skaalib did actually milk the cow... or try to

Fooser · Post by **Fooser** » Sat Nov 04, 2006 12:08 am

yeeeeeeeeeeeees

Damien · Post by **Damien** » Sat Nov 04, 2006 2:00 am

An elven mage sits in a tavern. A human comes up and begs him for tricks.
The elf sighs :"Magic is not for amusement." But the human begs and begs, and really goes onto the elf's nerves until he finally agrees :"Oh well, only one single trick. But you have to turn around, drop your pants and bend over the bar for it." The human finds that a little strange, but agrees. He opens his pants, drops them and bends over the bar while the mage steps behind him :"Okay. Do you feel my thumb in your behind ?" "Yes, i do." answers the human. "Then watch this !" says the elf, putting both hands in front of the humans face, "Here are the other two !"

Asesino · Post by **Asesino** » Sat Nov 04, 2006 3:35 am

are all elven mages so perverted?

Richard Cypher · Post by **Richard Cypher** » Sat Nov 04, 2006 3:55 am

Damien wrote:An elven mage sits in a tavern. A human comes up and begs him for tricks.
The elf sighs :"Magic is not for amusement." But the human begs and begs, and really goes onto the elf's nerves until he finally agrees :"Oh well, only one single trick. But you have to turn around, drop your pants and bend over the bar for it." The human finds that a little strange, but agrees. He opens his pants, drops them and bends over the bar while the mage steps behind him :"Okay. Do you feel my thumb in your behind ?" "Yes, i do." answers the human. "Then watch this !" says the elf, putting both hands in front of the humans face, "Here are the other two !"

Now that is a funny trick. I think Turny might like that trick!

Avalyon el'Hattarr · Post by **Avalyon el'Hattarr** » Sat Nov 04, 2006 9:01 am

Damien wrote:An elven mage sits in a tavern. A human comes up and begs him for tricks.
The elf sighs :"Magic is not for amusement." But the human begs and begs, and really goes onto the elf's nerves until he finally agrees :"Oh well, only one single trick. But you have to turn around, drop your pants and bend over the bar for it." The human finds that a little strange, but agrees. He opens his pants, drops them and bends over the bar while the mage steps behind him :"Okay. Do you feel my thumb in your behind ?" "Yes, i do." answers the human. "Then watch this !" says the elf, putting both hands in front of the humans face, "Here are the other two !"

ROFL!!!!

Friedwulfa · Post by **Friedwulfa** » Sun Nov 05, 2006 6:17 pm

Damien, you tried it in real first?

Richard Cypher · Post by **Richard Cypher** » Sun Nov 05, 2006 8:29 pm

Friedwulfa wrote:Damien, you tried it in real first?

Of course he did. Damien could not make up something as funny as that. It happened then he thought this would be a funny thing to post so he did. But to keep the dignity of the man it happened to he kept him nameless...*coughs* Stephen *coughs*.

Halvdan · Post by **Halvdan** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 2:51 pm

also ohne, das ich jetzt orks in schutz nehmen will, aber das ist nicht ganz in ordnung, wie ihr da dumme und vorallem hirnrissige witze über die macht, vermutlich denken die genauso wie wir.....aber markous dein pic mir kamantha ist echt zum weglachen, eher beide

.

~halvdan~

Caldrion Sternenglanz · Mon Nov 13, 2006 6:52 pm

A priest of Nargun was sitting on the sidewalk, playing with a piece of shit. A ranger rode up and asked him what he was doing.

"I'm making a ranger!" the priest declared.

Then a little elf came up and asked him what he was doing.

The priest replied, "I'm making a little elf!"

The elf was so disgusted that he went to the lKallahorns and reported the little boy.

A short while later, a Arameh strolled down and approached the priest.

"How's it goin' there, little man?" he said. "I know what you're doing - you're making a Knight of Kallahorn."

The priest looked up at the Knight and smiled.

"Nope," he said. "I ain't got enough shit for that."