Thirty-one entry
14. Ronas 62
I fail.
I fail my friends, my duty as a bard, myself.
It is so hard to pull myself together. Every day seems to be more dark, more grey, more without any color.
All seems so sense- and meaningless.
I make even people uncomfortable with my music.
It hurts - but how to change it ?
I'm missing you and I'm wishing you would come back through my door
You could have let me know - So now I'm all alone.
With you not around it's a little bit more than I can stand.
Love - I will wait for you, cause I don't know what else I can do, even if it takes the rest of my life
How can I find out of this dark veiled present ?
Can I just fade away for good ?
Dreams
Moderator: Gamemasters
Re: Dreams
Thirty-two entry
16. Ronas 62
Thinking it can't go worse was a false assumption.
I am now supposed to see the downfall of Galmair ?
Some days ago I did hear unintentional a talk between my friends Amelia and Bidukan.
I was to much into my deep sadness to get the meanings at that moment, to busy sorting things in my chest.
It was after the meeting.
But now this talk gets another light - shatters my dreams and the plans Jacob had.
No more a townguard, no more trust into leadership ?
How could this happen.
I still hear them talk
Jacob did give him the task to build a strong townguard and he betrays him with his own ambitions ?
And Amelia does support it ? Behind Oxiana's back ?
Oxiana - who did support us all from the start and never showed anything else then a helping hand and trust in us ?
Before Jacob ... did go away ... he told me he wasn't sure about the loyality of his friend Bidukan anymore.
It was after Mas and I did think it was caused by the injury my love had.
But it seems he was right after all.
To witness now how Galmair gets weakened because of personal ambitions fills me with deep anger.
I know what I have to do - I can not stand idly by and do nothing.
That much I owe Oxiana - and my home - Galmair.
16. Ronas 62
Thinking it can't go worse was a false assumption.
I am now supposed to see the downfall of Galmair ?
Some days ago I did hear unintentional a talk between my friends Amelia and Bidukan.
I was to much into my deep sadness to get the meanings at that moment, to busy sorting things in my chest.
It was after the meeting.
But now this talk gets another light - shatters my dreams and the plans Jacob had.
No more a townguard, no more trust into leadership ?
How could this happen.
I still hear them talk
How could they do this - to Galmair ?Amelia: But you will continue your plans on Wolf, don't you?
Bidukan: Yes, of course.
Bidukan: It will go slow though.
Amelia: Then it's time you add me on your list somewhere
Bidukan: Good. I will.
Amelia: I told you I would join... How would it look if I would not? I told you, you have my support
Bidukan: I have much time to get ready.
Amelia: Time will tell
Bidukan: You could see at the meeting.
Amelia: Right now I worry more over the realms in general, after that meeting
Bidukan: Pure disorder and chaos.
Amelias: Sadly, there is only few consense
Bidukan: Supporting leadership is an act of faith only.
Jacob did give him the task to build a strong townguard and he betrays him with his own ambitions ?
And Amelia does support it ? Behind Oxiana's back ?
Oxiana - who did support us all from the start and never showed anything else then a helping hand and trust in us ?
Before Jacob ... did go away ... he told me he wasn't sure about the loyality of his friend Bidukan anymore.
It was after Mas and I did think it was caused by the injury my love had.
But it seems he was right after all.
To witness now how Galmair gets weakened because of personal ambitions fills me with deep anger.
I know what I have to do - I can not stand idly by and do nothing.
That much I owe Oxiana - and my home - Galmair.
Re: Dreams
Thirty-three entry
22, Brás 62
With my parchment and pledge, towards Oxiana and Galmair, I made myself a foe it seems.
Bidukan did attack me hard in a personal letter, writing I am telling lies and he wont be my friend anymore.
But I did only what I needed to do,with profound knowledge --- and I would do it again.
He has failed Jacob, he has failed Galmair.
Someone would say only cornered dogs bark ----
Oh well, since I did lost already what was dear and close - I don't mind.
Amelia is still with me, tried to get me back on course.
Also Clairette, the strange dark elfess, she did see the dilemma I'm in.
It wasn't - even in a moderate and small noble family like mine - appreciated to show tears.
Tears are for weak people, the servants and peasants.
I'm still so desperate inside, but the mask I put on is a friendly one, to everyone.
It may help to continue - I need to be functional.
Oh Jacob, if I only would know what happened and why ... it would ease my pain.
22, Brás 62
With my parchment and pledge, towards Oxiana and Galmair, I made myself a foe it seems.
Bidukan did attack me hard in a personal letter, writing I am telling lies and he wont be my friend anymore.
But I did only what I needed to do,with profound knowledge --- and I would do it again.
He has failed Jacob, he has failed Galmair.
Someone would say only cornered dogs bark ----
Oh well, since I did lost already what was dear and close - I don't mind.
Amelia is still with me, tried to get me back on course.
Also Clairette, the strange dark elfess, she did see the dilemma I'm in.
It wasn't - even in a moderate and small noble family like mine - appreciated to show tears.
Tears are for weak people, the servants and peasants.
I'm still so desperate inside, but the mask I put on is a friendly one, to everyone.
It may help to continue - I need to be functional.
Oh Jacob, if I only would know what happened and why ... it would ease my pain.
Re: Dreams
Thirty-four entry
15. Irmas 62
Finally I did sing openly again. It was a good decision and Amelia wanted me to sing at the fair.
I felt a little bit of joy as the audience did applaud, clap and whistle.
The magic I can create seems still to be here.
My parents want me to come home, back to Salkamar.
But my home is here in Galmair, maybe even still waiting - waiting for him to come back.
The emptiness and uncertainty, the why and how, it wont stop to torture my head.
Soon my birthday will come, remind me what I lost.
Still, Stavros did surprise me- he was the first who really gave me the expression he understand, see - what I'm going through.
I'll dry the flower he gave me, as a reminder that there are people who actually find the words to breach my wall and reach me.
I probably do not see him again. Not even sure if I want to see him again.
He is a tad to lighthearted and charming - but still a fellow bard.
... and he looks fancy...
15. Irmas 62
Finally I did sing openly again. It was a good decision and Amelia wanted me to sing at the fair.
I felt a little bit of joy as the audience did applaud, clap and whistle.
The magic I can create seems still to be here.
My parents want me to come home, back to Salkamar.
But my home is here in Galmair, maybe even still waiting - waiting for him to come back.
The emptiness and uncertainty, the why and how, it wont stop to torture my head.
Soon my birthday will come, remind me what I lost.
Still, Stavros did surprise me- he was the first who really gave me the expression he understand, see - what I'm going through.
I'll dry the flower he gave me, as a reminder that there are people who actually find the words to breach my wall and reach me.
I probably do not see him again. Not even sure if I want to see him again.
He is a tad to lighthearted and charming - but still a fellow bard.
... and he looks fancy...
Re: Dreams
Thirty-five entry
11. Malas 62
Two encounters, two persons who maybe had the influence over my darkness.
Lady Wynter did read my lines in my palm - is she a soothsayer ? I know she is sort of a priestess and loves chaos.
And I am also sceptical about her deeds.
But what she did today for me was an eye opener.
Trying to catch ** my fast running will to change things** let me laugh.
Falling into the snow to catch it - maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
And then again - Stavros.
I was thinking he is a colorful peacock, dandyish behavior, at first glance.
Until he gave me the flower after the fair, saying words which still stay with me.
Last evening he stood suddenly at the rampart of Galmair, started to sing and play, interrupting my own playing.
We started again to talk.
Asking me what are my biggest fears concerning Jacob.
It let me realize, that, indeed the thought he died somewhere alone on a remote place, eats me up from inside.
But I did also realize - there is nothing I could do about.
As he said I need to allow myself being happy again - I noticed that I still have music, words to express my feelings.
Does he care for me? It looks like.
He did took my hand and showed me a place where the sky was velvet dark and the stars so bright.
Then he showed me the constellations, the Hunter named Cancecrus. He hunted the Boar - the other constellation which we could see.
But before found the giant beast he did met the blushing maiden, probably fall in love to her - or she to him.
As the Beast found the couple it started to hunt them. Using all weapons he had, the Boar was split in three, all three alive.
So they did run and run and run - 'til they reached the sky.
The maiden's ravenblack hair turned into the dark night, her tears into the stars, and Cancecrus still protects her.
He made no attempt on me, beside holding my hand, and remind me to allow myself to be happy, did escort me back to Galmair.
Then - all of sudden, planned or not - a Tybalt Star was given. I wonder where this leads.
My heart isn't really free yet - or it is and I need to allow it ?
Howsoever - - I have a song to write now - this tale is most beautiful and sad at the same time.
11. Malas 62
Two encounters, two persons who maybe had the influence over my darkness.
Lady Wynter did read my lines in my palm - is she a soothsayer ? I know she is sort of a priestess and loves chaos.
And I am also sceptical about her deeds.
But what she did today for me was an eye opener.
Trying to catch ** my fast running will to change things** let me laugh.
Falling into the snow to catch it - maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
And then again - Stavros.
I was thinking he is a colorful peacock, dandyish behavior, at first glance.
Until he gave me the flower after the fair, saying words which still stay with me.
Last evening he stood suddenly at the rampart of Galmair, started to sing and play, interrupting my own playing.
We started again to talk.
Asking me what are my biggest fears concerning Jacob.
It let me realize, that, indeed the thought he died somewhere alone on a remote place, eats me up from inside.
But I did also realize - there is nothing I could do about.
As he said I need to allow myself being happy again - I noticed that I still have music, words to express my feelings.
Does he care for me? It looks like.
He did took my hand and showed me a place where the sky was velvet dark and the stars so bright.
Then he showed me the constellations, the Hunter named Cancecrus. He hunted the Boar - the other constellation which we could see.
But before found the giant beast he did met the blushing maiden, probably fall in love to her - or she to him.
As the Beast found the couple it started to hunt them. Using all weapons he had, the Boar was split in three, all three alive.
So they did run and run and run - 'til they reached the sky.
The maiden's ravenblack hair turned into the dark night, her tears into the stars, and Cancecrus still protects her.
He made no attempt on me, beside holding my hand, and remind me to allow myself to be happy, did escort me back to Galmair.
Then - all of sudden, planned or not - a Tybalt Star was given. I wonder where this leads.
My heart isn't really free yet - or it is and I need to allow it ?
Howsoever - - I have a song to write now - this tale is most beautiful and sad at the same time.
Re: Dreams
Thirty-six entry
22. Malas 62
I find slowly back to life.
Did announce the ""Festival of Arts"" - talked with Amelia about, she is such a dear.
Oxiana will surely help me, too.
I missed him a lot, good to see him back in bussiness.
So - my hope is some of this new bards and artists I hear about - are willing to come to the Festival, performing in a competition.
Brings me to him = Stavros
We had again a wonderful time together - he requested to hear the song about the star tale.
I obliged - had to promis after that I never ever stop singing.
Gave me such a nice feeling - then he wanted to steal a kiss.
I'm still ponder what I felt about. It is different, Jacob's kisses did set me on fire - this kiss was rather innocent and gave me a warm heartbeat,though.
I think I would like more of it.
Maybe I need some more time and I just said it to Stavros. He did understand it - or prevented to understand.
Sometimes men finding it complicated to feel like we women feel. But = he is a gentleman.
There is more to him, then the Dandy he mimics in the public.
I asked him just about this difference - his answer was simple "They see the showman, you see Stavros."
He described me even like a ... princess or something
" I see your eyes, Cynthia. They are a sea to swim in.
I see your hair. Like swathes of night
I see your smile.. like.. a shard of something incomparable.
And.. your voice. All the winds, north, south east and west , blowing at every speed and sound, can not come close."
mmmh let me draw a picture as I did see him that night
yeah - I think it fits. I'm curious if it will be love one day. There is a lot between us = and still a unseen wall.
The next day I went out to the fields to help Amelia and do preparations for the Festival.
A warning cry from Stavros let me drop all and run to the safety of the town. " "Cynthia. Inside. Now!"
Obviously it was Valherian and this man, as dumb as a rock, did dare to piss on my carrots....
Armoring myself, grab a bow, sneaking near to put a arrow in his head was one thought.
Stavros was so worried... I din't even notice him, as my temper got the better of me.
I wonder why no one does anything against this criminal bunch ! I would plant his head on a spike !
Somehow he did flee, followed by some - I did stay back, knowing Oxiana didn't want I'm doing rush things.
All of sudden this blond elusive woman *Cassie* did appear. Asking for my taste a lot of curious questions.
My stomach tells me I do not trust her, nor do I like her.
Leon - I may finally forgive him the incident, and rudeness, from our first encounter - did grab the polluted seeds for me and tossed them into the fire.
He has a charm if he wants.
Let me finish this with a last sentence from Stavros .... yes, yes, him again I know diary. But it let me giggle and feel good !
"As i was saying. There is indeed one upside to this. ---- I found out how good you look in that leather."
22. Malas 62
I find slowly back to life.
Did announce the ""Festival of Arts"" - talked with Amelia about, she is such a dear.
Oxiana will surely help me, too.
I missed him a lot, good to see him back in bussiness.
So - my hope is some of this new bards and artists I hear about - are willing to come to the Festival, performing in a competition.
Brings me to him = Stavros
We had again a wonderful time together - he requested to hear the song about the star tale.
I obliged - had to promis after that I never ever stop singing.
Gave me such a nice feeling - then he wanted to steal a kiss.
I'm still ponder what I felt about. It is different, Jacob's kisses did set me on fire - this kiss was rather innocent and gave me a warm heartbeat,though.
I think I would like more of it.
Maybe I need some more time and I just said it to Stavros. He did understand it - or prevented to understand.
Sometimes men finding it complicated to feel like we women feel. But = he is a gentleman.
There is more to him, then the Dandy he mimics in the public.
I asked him just about this difference - his answer was simple "They see the showman, you see Stavros."
He described me even like a ... princess or something
" I see your eyes, Cynthia. They are a sea to swim in.
I see your hair. Like swathes of night
I see your smile.. like.. a shard of something incomparable.
And.. your voice. All the winds, north, south east and west , blowing at every speed and sound, can not come close."
mmmh let me draw a picture as I did see him that night
yeah - I think it fits. I'm curious if it will be love one day. There is a lot between us = and still a unseen wall.
The next day I went out to the fields to help Amelia and do preparations for the Festival.
A warning cry from Stavros let me drop all and run to the safety of the town. " "Cynthia. Inside. Now!"
Obviously it was Valherian and this man, as dumb as a rock, did dare to piss on my carrots....
Armoring myself, grab a bow, sneaking near to put a arrow in his head was one thought.
Stavros was so worried... I din't even notice him, as my temper got the better of me.
I wonder why no one does anything against this criminal bunch ! I would plant his head on a spike !
Somehow he did flee, followed by some - I did stay back, knowing Oxiana didn't want I'm doing rush things.
All of sudden this blond elusive woman *Cassie* did appear. Asking for my taste a lot of curious questions.
My stomach tells me I do not trust her, nor do I like her.
Leon - I may finally forgive him the incident, and rudeness, from our first encounter - did grab the polluted seeds for me and tossed them into the fire.
He has a charm if he wants.
Let me finish this with a last sentence from Stavros .... yes, yes, him again I know diary. But it let me giggle and feel good !
"As i was saying. There is indeed one upside to this. ---- I found out how good you look in that leather."
Re: Dreams
Thirty-seven entry
22. Findos 62
I am 23 years old now. Would not consider myself anymore as a "Girl".
To celebrate this I did rent Jacob's Flat, spend the night with the last bottle of Jacobeer on - now my - beloved balcony.
A gift for myself, it makes me happy.
Not sure if it helps to move on or if it is still to cling on his "ghost".
And the idea - if he would come back - despite all the time now - "our" home is still there for him = joy.
It feels like this "Joy" does help me - help to going further steps without abandon to much.
Now I have to concentrate on the festival.
Sadly no one seems to make an effort to apply directly.
Still I heard that some will come.
Not even Stavros did contact me about.
Fergro will not be a moderator - more a "improvisator".
Without Amelia and Oxiana it wouldn't be possible to make all this as perfect as possible.
Oh - and I'm still not sure which of the two songs I will throw into the competition.
The one that the audience for sure let giggle and laughing - or the romantic tale.
Time to look after my beautiful dress made from Amelia - I wont go on stage with dirt or something else on it.
22. Findos 62
I am 23 years old now. Would not consider myself anymore as a "Girl".
To celebrate this I did rent Jacob's Flat, spend the night with the last bottle of Jacobeer on - now my - beloved balcony.
A gift for myself, it makes me happy.
Not sure if it helps to move on or if it is still to cling on his "ghost".
And the idea - if he would come back - despite all the time now - "our" home is still there for him = joy.
It feels like this "Joy" does help me - help to going further steps without abandon to much.
Now I have to concentrate on the festival.
Sadly no one seems to make an effort to apply directly.
Still I heard that some will come.
Not even Stavros did contact me about.
Fergro will not be a moderator - more a "improvisator".
Without Amelia and Oxiana it wouldn't be possible to make all this as perfect as possible.
Oh - and I'm still not sure which of the two songs I will throw into the competition.
The one that the audience for sure let giggle and laughing - or the romantic tale.
Time to look after my beautiful dress made from Amelia - I wont go on stage with dirt or something else on it.
Re: Dreams
Thirty-eight entry
08. Olos 62
The Festival was marvelous !
Someone did "decorate" the stage with flowers - we had to remove them to have room for food and drinks.
Since I did see Sammy store away flowers and this oddly mushrooms - yes, I think it was him. Not sure for
what reason it was done. Questionmark ?!
Amelia and Fergro made a brilliant job, the festival was a real show!
Good - I did not win a single prize.
No wonder if you look who did win the contest.
3.) Tanora ?...whatever with her puppet "Kerli"
2.) Ara - acrobatic performance
1.) Stavros - merging all in one with a breathtaking show.
Only singing a song was to less for Nimberion or me to have a chance for a prize.
I'm not sad or crestfallen about - all three deserved it !
We were all winners, cause we had a wonderful audience.
Stavros - it feels so different with him
I wouldn't say lesser as with Jacob - just differently.
Its a warm and good feeling, we understand, complement each other.
Not sure if he has doubts - I don't question myself.
I told him we should go with the flow and enjoy what we have so far.
Since a long time I feel at peace again, even if I still suffer about Jacob's loss.
08. Olos 62
The Festival was marvelous !
Someone did "decorate" the stage with flowers - we had to remove them to have room for food and drinks.
Since I did see Sammy store away flowers and this oddly mushrooms - yes, I think it was him. Not sure for
what reason it was done. Questionmark ?!
Amelia and Fergro made a brilliant job, the festival was a real show!
Good - I did not win a single prize.
No wonder if you look who did win the contest.
3.) Tanora ?...whatever with her puppet "Kerli"
2.) Ara - acrobatic performance
1.) Stavros - merging all in one with a breathtaking show.
Only singing a song was to less for Nimberion or me to have a chance for a prize.
I'm not sad or crestfallen about - all three deserved it !
We were all winners, cause we had a wonderful audience.
Stavros - it feels so different with him
I wouldn't say lesser as with Jacob - just differently.
Its a warm and good feeling, we understand, complement each other.
Not sure if he has doubts - I don't question myself.
I told him we should go with the flow and enjoy what we have so far.
Since a long time I feel at peace again, even if I still suffer about Jacob's loss.
Re: Dreams
Thirty-nine entrty
05. Naras 62
Another festival is gone and the next at the doorstep.
The wine festival in Cadomyr was entertaining. Countess Katharina is a great host.
Stavros and I did our best - and the desert beauty Kaelyn kept us in suspense. It stimulated me to dance along with her, on the table !
Amelia also joined us - it was really funny to see how the rather pious young woman succumbed to the pleasure of dancing and music.
The evening was in harmony except for the grumpy dwarf named Tialdin. I didn't catch everything, but something made him angry when he talked to Oxiana.
We all were congratulate Oxiana on his little son, a bright spot in these times, for sure.
Unfortunately Stavros also left early, I missed him.
Does this mean that I love him ?
He always manages to put a smile on my face, I feel comfortable with him.
Is that enough to call it love ?
The best part was the conversation with Drathe. No matter what others think of him, what he is or was, he has a lot of heart.
I didn't think he was really interested at what I told him - back then at our first meeting.
So now I hope he will be happy with Kaelyn. I wish it for him with - with my heart.
Now - soon the gambling festival from Amelia. Looking forward to it ... which songs should I use ? Have to search in my collection.
05. Naras 62
Another festival is gone and the next at the doorstep.
The wine festival in Cadomyr was entertaining. Countess Katharina is a great host.
Stavros and I did our best - and the desert beauty Kaelyn kept us in suspense. It stimulated me to dance along with her, on the table !
Amelia also joined us - it was really funny to see how the rather pious young woman succumbed to the pleasure of dancing and music.
The evening was in harmony except for the grumpy dwarf named Tialdin. I didn't catch everything, but something made him angry when he talked to Oxiana.
We all were congratulate Oxiana on his little son, a bright spot in these times, for sure.
Unfortunately Stavros also left early, I missed him.
Does this mean that I love him ?
He always manages to put a smile on my face, I feel comfortable with him.
Is that enough to call it love ?
The best part was the conversation with Drathe. No matter what others think of him, what he is or was, he has a lot of heart.
I didn't think he was really interested at what I told him - back then at our first meeting.
So now I hope he will be happy with Kaelyn. I wish it for him with - with my heart.
Now - soon the gambling festival from Amelia. Looking forward to it ... which songs should I use ? Have to search in my collection.
Re: Dreams
Fourty entry
14. Chos year 62
Now I understand him - and it was a shocking tale.
I mean if I had to watch violence like he did, at the age of fifteen - what would have happened to me?
Violence has traumatized him, a true miracle that his soul has not been even more damaged.
Under the cloak of the showman is hidden a fragile soul.
I will guard and fight for the both of us.
I too fight only to protect what I love - not for the pleasure of hurting or even killing others.
He loves me, he loves me more than I can give him back.
Somehow it feels like a topsy-turvy world of roles.
I loved Jacob more than anything - and he was protecting me.
Now it seems Stavros would feel so deeply for me and - I try to keep him safe.
Life has many unexpected surprises in store.
I am no longer the little adorable, charming girl that I was when I arrived at Illarion.
Carefree, full of laughter and the joy of being able to share it with my music and songs.
The sides have now more edges, have become keener - it's probably always like that when you grow up to being a woman.
I hope I can do justice to this role - and be at the same time happy.
14. Chos year 62
Now I understand him - and it was a shocking tale.
I mean if I had to watch violence like he did, at the age of fifteen - what would have happened to me?
Violence has traumatized him, a true miracle that his soul has not been even more damaged.
Under the cloak of the showman is hidden a fragile soul.
I will guard and fight for the both of us.
I too fight only to protect what I love - not for the pleasure of hurting or even killing others.
He loves me, he loves me more than I can give him back.
Somehow it feels like a topsy-turvy world of roles.
I loved Jacob more than anything - and he was protecting me.
Now it seems Stavros would feel so deeply for me and - I try to keep him safe.
Life has many unexpected surprises in store.
I am no longer the little adorable, charming girl that I was when I arrived at Illarion.
Carefree, full of laughter and the joy of being able to share it with my music and songs.
The sides have now more edges, have become keener - it's probably always like that when you grow up to being a woman.
I hope I can do justice to this role - and be at the same time happy.
Re: Dreams
Fourty - one entry
12. Elos year 63
Amelia is missing !
This is just terrible. Mas was not so bad this year - Galmair survived it fine - but - by the Five - Amelia disappeared without a trace.
Yasna, Sarangerel have not been seen either - and I miss Stavros.
I wonder what is at work here?
Oxiana is looking for Amelia. We'll just have to wait and see.
I try to bake and cook a little, but I am only a simple cook compared to Amelia.
Trowin told me his story - so sad and moving. I will ask him if I can make a song out of it. Preferably without a name.
I wonder where Stavros is ??
I must admit I am frightened, frightened of again losing people close to me. But my Mom always said "Fear eats the soul" So I'll try to be strong.
And now I should go to the fields and work, to fill at least a little bit the gap until Amelia is back ... she will be found... she must be found !
12. Elos year 63
Amelia is missing !
This is just terrible. Mas was not so bad this year - Galmair survived it fine - but - by the Five - Amelia disappeared without a trace.
Yasna, Sarangerel have not been seen either - and I miss Stavros.
I wonder what is at work here?
Oxiana is looking for Amelia. We'll just have to wait and see.
I try to bake and cook a little, but I am only a simple cook compared to Amelia.
Trowin told me his story - so sad and moving. I will ask him if I can make a song out of it. Preferably without a name.
I wonder where Stavros is ??
I must admit I am frightened, frightened of again losing people close to me. But my Mom always said "Fear eats the soul" So I'll try to be strong.
And now I should go to the fields and work, to fill at least a little bit the gap until Amelia is back ... she will be found... she must be found !
Re: Dreams
Fourty-two entry
17. Tanos 63
They have found Ami !
Just in time, if I believe the gossip.
Have to talk to her soon.
She did send me a letter, asking if I'll perform at the ""Festival of Lights""
And YES! I will for sure, and I think Stavros will be at my side.
I could be happy and laughing and enjoying life, but I still can't.
Stavros is sweet always about to raise my mood and make me smile.
I'm his *Songbird*
But there is still the part of me that is hurt, missing Jacob --- it is now one year that he vanished.
The last time I did see him was at the festival of light, as we did help Ami to prepare for it.
And Trowin - it's dramatic!!! Terrible!!
This extremely nice and honourable dwarf has lost his heart to me of all people....
It makes me incredibly sad to tell him that there are no feelings except friendship.
He would deserve so much more. Then he also gives me beautiful things, helping me with my work when he is present ...
I didn't tell Stavros about it much - why should I?
I made up my mind about him long before Trowin came to Galmair, I am not a fickle person.
Still, to have a friend like Trowin is beyond price - I just don't know how I will ever repay all the kindness he has shown me.
17. Tanos 63
They have found Ami !
Just in time, if I believe the gossip.
Have to talk to her soon.
She did send me a letter, asking if I'll perform at the ""Festival of Lights""
And YES! I will for sure, and I think Stavros will be at my side.
I could be happy and laughing and enjoying life, but I still can't.
Stavros is sweet always about to raise my mood and make me smile.
I'm his *Songbird*
But there is still the part of me that is hurt, missing Jacob --- it is now one year that he vanished.
The last time I did see him was at the festival of light, as we did help Ami to prepare for it.
And Trowin - it's dramatic!!! Terrible!!
This extremely nice and honourable dwarf has lost his heart to me of all people....
It makes me incredibly sad to tell him that there are no feelings except friendship.
He would deserve so much more. Then he also gives me beautiful things, helping me with my work when he is present ...
I didn't tell Stavros about it much - why should I?
I made up my mind about him long before Trowin came to Galmair, I am not a fickle person.
Still, to have a friend like Trowin is beyond price - I just don't know how I will ever repay all the kindness he has shown me.
Re: Dreams
Fourty-three entry
17. Ushos 63
The nightmares in which I try to escape and remain rooted to the spot, where I have been eaten alive by this Lizard,
or where the poison devours me slowly from the inside... they have no end in sight.
And during the day - when I go to the kitchen - I see the maniac eating this finger....
Lady Aswe and Trowin have prevented the banishment of Rashaz from Galmair - it made me so furious.
Now I try to cope with the fear, but I hardly set a foot outside my apartment. I forgave Trowin already, he saved my life.
The poison hit him instead of me and he suffered instead of me.
Amelia was not there and I thank the Five that Lady Catherine came with an antidote to save Trowin's life.
I hope he will eventually explain to me why he didn't obey Oxiana's order and ignored me, why he wanted to talk to this lunatic.
And yes, I was also upset about Stavros. He was not here when I would have needed him.
He was terribly sorry and he made it up to me with lots of loving kindness and attention.
I know he has to wander - he is a very restless soul, however I am his anchor here in Galmair.
Unfortunately, my creativity is suffering from the current events - I have a blockade, I just can't find the right words for songs anymore.
I hope this will pass ......
17. Ushos 63
The nightmares in which I try to escape and remain rooted to the spot, where I have been eaten alive by this Lizard,
or where the poison devours me slowly from the inside... they have no end in sight.
And during the day - when I go to the kitchen - I see the maniac eating this finger....
Lady Aswe and Trowin have prevented the banishment of Rashaz from Galmair - it made me so furious.
Now I try to cope with the fear, but I hardly set a foot outside my apartment. I forgave Trowin already, he saved my life.
The poison hit him instead of me and he suffered instead of me.
Amelia was not there and I thank the Five that Lady Catherine came with an antidote to save Trowin's life.
I hope he will eventually explain to me why he didn't obey Oxiana's order and ignored me, why he wanted to talk to this lunatic.
And yes, I was also upset about Stavros. He was not here when I would have needed him.
He was terribly sorry and he made it up to me with lots of loving kindness and attention.
I know he has to wander - he is a very restless soul, however I am his anchor here in Galmair.
Unfortunately, my creativity is suffering from the current events - I have a blockade, I just can't find the right words for songs anymore.
I hope this will pass ......
Re: Dreams
Fourty-four entry
2. Ronas 63
I have a problem!
A really great problem - I am together with Stavros and I do enjoy it. But I think about Trowin a lot.
If he were a human....
No - I am not a racist. I have no prejudices - I just can't imagine living with a dwarf.
But Trowin is so different, such a precious friend.
Everything he does and says , how he acts towards me is - yes - special.
Since Amelia told me to imagine him as a human, everything has only been getting worse.
Not even my long prayer at Sirani's shrine have been helpful in the least.
Stavros let me be as I am, with him I share my passion for music and he makes me laugh.
Not to forget that he is really very good at .....
Let's forget about that dear diary.
Trowin on the other hand, the way he treats me - wouldn't he lock me up like a precious little flower that needs to be protected ?
I am not that kind of woman and never will be.
Oxiana has again shown his trust in me. Even if I do not participate directly in the march against Letma -
my concert that I will give beforehand and my service to stand guard on the walls of Galmair are my contribution and important.
I am so proud that he is putting the safety of the town in my hands.
Amelia can be quite stubborn - somehow she doesn't realize that she would be the first target of Letma's hordes
and dead or injured she would be of absolutely nobody's use nor able to help anyone.
We can have more often a chat probably now, since she soon will rent the flat beside mine - very nice !
Ah diary - if it were not for you - you are my holder of secrets !
2. Ronas 63
I have a problem!
A really great problem - I am together with Stavros and I do enjoy it. But I think about Trowin a lot.
If he were a human....
No - I am not a racist. I have no prejudices - I just can't imagine living with a dwarf.
But Trowin is so different, such a precious friend.
Everything he does and says , how he acts towards me is - yes - special.
Since Amelia told me to imagine him as a human, everything has only been getting worse.
Not even my long prayer at Sirani's shrine have been helpful in the least.
Stavros let me be as I am, with him I share my passion for music and he makes me laugh.
Not to forget that he is really very good at .....
Let's forget about that dear diary.
Trowin on the other hand, the way he treats me - wouldn't he lock me up like a precious little flower that needs to be protected ?
I am not that kind of woman and never will be.
Oxiana has again shown his trust in me. Even if I do not participate directly in the march against Letma -
my concert that I will give beforehand and my service to stand guard on the walls of Galmair are my contribution and important.
I am so proud that he is putting the safety of the town in my hands.
Amelia can be quite stubborn - somehow she doesn't realize that she would be the first target of Letma's hordes
and dead or injured she would be of absolutely nobody's use nor able to help anyone.
We can have more often a chat probably now, since she soon will rent the flat beside mine - very nice !
Ah diary - if it were not for you - you are my holder of secrets !
Re: Dreams
Fourty-fifth entry
09 Zhas 64
For so long I have rejected you, my diary.
Life was monotonous, boring.
Trowin disappeared as quickly as he came.
But I will cherish his gifts.
Mas was also quiet during my guard shift,
Long walks afterwards - alone, thinking.
Somehow lost touch with the others. Why ? Only the five know.
And then this sunset - like a miracle, so beautiful, indescribable.
It reminded me of what I have, what I should be grateful for. A wonderful home in Galmair - and Stavros.
The song for him arose as if by magic.
And last night I did sing it for him alone.
It was long overdue - I love him and don't want to miss him.
The time is right to make a little more of an appearance again. As Stavros said - the people become gray without beautiful songs.
He is right.
09 Zhas 64
For so long I have rejected you, my diary.
Life was monotonous, boring.
Trowin disappeared as quickly as he came.
But I will cherish his gifts.
Mas was also quiet during my guard shift,
Long walks afterwards - alone, thinking.
Somehow lost touch with the others. Why ? Only the five know.
And then this sunset - like a miracle, so beautiful, indescribable.
It reminded me of what I have, what I should be grateful for. A wonderful home in Galmair - and Stavros.
The song for him arose as if by magic.
And last night I did sing it for him alone.
It was long overdue - I love him and don't want to miss him.
The time is right to make a little more of an appearance again. As Stavros said - the people become gray without beautiful songs.
He is right.
Re: Dreams
Forty-sixth entry
6. Eldas 64
I am dedicating myself more to my instruments again. But I also hear Clairette playing the harp quite often.
I like what I hear.
Since I am planning a concert in the month of Findos, I have to ask her if she would like to play music with me, or accompany me, so that I can concentrate on the songs?
I also want to get better with the flute.
Then I will finally wear this absolutely gorgeous dress that Amelia made for me and I hope Stavros' eyes fall out of his head when I wear it. It's a dream, dark red velvet, lace, off-the-shoulder ... with black lace gloves and a black velvet coat with an embroidered silver harp on it...
I can't wait to wear it officially.
I should start working on the songs for this evening.
But a sketch of the upper part of the dress I need to capture here
6. Eldas 64
I am dedicating myself more to my instruments again. But I also hear Clairette playing the harp quite often.
I like what I hear.
Since I am planning a concert in the month of Findos, I have to ask her if she would like to play music with me, or accompany me, so that I can concentrate on the songs?
I also want to get better with the flute.
Then I will finally wear this absolutely gorgeous dress that Amelia made for me and I hope Stavros' eyes fall out of his head when I wear it. It's a dream, dark red velvet, lace, off-the-shoulder ... with black lace gloves and a black velvet coat with an embroidered silver harp on it...
I can't wait to wear it officially.
I should start working on the songs for this evening.
But a sketch of the upper part of the dress I need to capture here
Re: Dreams
Forty-seven entry
13. Zhas 65
I have not written in a long time.
After the wonderful concert I hid myself once again more at home.
Now and then celebrated with Amelia a cookie balcony night.
But what I had to read just now strikes me deeply
A bard ?!
Do not make me laugh ...
I have read his published ballads and they lack both, elegance and truth.
They are not even good as fiction, legend or fairy tale.
What this bard wants to do is create trouble under the mask of a bard.
His ballads are aimed only at Cadomyr, and so terribly bad.
He is controlled by someone in Runewick. I assume Bidukan.
Bidukan was once sort of a friend, but I'm beginning to hate him.
Be that as it may, this Maximilian is a disgrace to my profession.
Leaves me feeling ashamed !
Well ------- maybe I should organize a counter-concert in Galmair ?
A concert of love and tolerance.
I have to think about it, maybe talk to Stavros, if he ever shows up. He hasn't been at home for a while.
Oh diary - it makes me so sad, everything.
13. Zhas 65
I have not written in a long time.
After the wonderful concert I hid myself once again more at home.
Now and then celebrated with Amelia a cookie balcony night.
But what I had to read just now strikes me deeply
A bard ?!
Do not make me laugh ...
I have read his published ballads and they lack both, elegance and truth.
They are not even good as fiction, legend or fairy tale.
What this bard wants to do is create trouble under the mask of a bard.
His ballads are aimed only at Cadomyr, and so terribly bad.
He is controlled by someone in Runewick. I assume Bidukan.
Bidukan was once sort of a friend, but I'm beginning to hate him.
Be that as it may, this Maximilian is a disgrace to my profession.
Leaves me feeling ashamed !
Well ------- maybe I should organize a counter-concert in Galmair ?
A concert of love and tolerance.
I have to think about it, maybe talk to Stavros, if he ever shows up. He hasn't been at home for a while.
Oh diary - it makes me so sad, everything.
Re: Dreams
Forty-five entry
2. Siros 65
Thanks to the five
Stavros is back. Covered with bruises.
I had feared he had disappeared like Jacob did - but he is back.
Bruised - but with me again.
The thought of me - of us - kept him sane during the long days or even weeks he had to walk.
I love him ....
Exciting news !
Amelia's brother is getting married, so that will be a festive day for all of us.
Amelia looks like a mouse who was promised the best cheese in the world.
I'm afraid she's even more excited than the couple themselves.
I am looking forward to this wedding.
2. Siros 65
Thanks to the five
Stavros is back. Covered with bruises.
I had feared he had disappeared like Jacob did - but he is back.
Bruised - but with me again.
The thought of me - of us - kept him sane during the long days or even weeks he had to walk.
I love him ....
Exciting news !
Amelia's brother is getting married, so that will be a festive day for all of us.
Amelia looks like a mouse who was promised the best cheese in the world.
I'm afraid she's even more excited than the couple themselves.
I am looking forward to this wedding.
Re: Dreams
Forty-sixth entry
08. Elos 66
I am cursed
First Jacob and now Stavros
Never more will he explain to me the signs of the zodiac and tell me stories about them
Never more will he whisper songbird in my ear
Never more will he look me in the eye and say how much he loves me
Never more will he do a handstand and then ask me if he looks good doing it.
I wish I could have held his hand
So I stare at his ring - the one he won -
Oxi gave me and I can't stop crying
But I have to take care of the funeral
Find a place -
And I have to ask Clairette or Sarangerel if he said anything in his final moments
He always said he had to hide during Mas....
But I didn't think it would end so dramatically if he didn't.
I need time to grieve
but only when everything is done
I will place his most beautiful hat on the grave...
((here the writing smears and breaks off))
08. Elos 66
I am cursed
First Jacob and now Stavros
Never more will he explain to me the signs of the zodiac and tell me stories about them
Never more will he whisper songbird in my ear
Never more will he look me in the eye and say how much he loves me
Never more will he do a handstand and then ask me if he looks good doing it.
I wish I could have held his hand
So I stare at his ring - the one he won -
Oxi gave me and I can't stop crying
But I have to take care of the funeral
Find a place -
And I have to ask Clairette or Sarangerel if he said anything in his final moments
He always said he had to hide during Mas....
But I didn't think it would end so dramatically if he didn't.
I need time to grieve
but only when everything is done
I will place his most beautiful hat on the grave...
((here the writing smears and breaks off))
Re: Dreams
Forty seventh entry
05. Zhas 66
I have overcome myself and was there at the masked ball, with my music to entertain.
The Ball was hosted by Clairette.
Despite the fact that the grief of my loss still runs deep it felt good.
I wore his favorite dress and a charming feather mask Cadomyr's Countess had made for me.
Nothing loud and fancy, though.
The ball itself was quite entertaining. Clairette was appointed a fully trained mage and the hall was decorated with mushrooms.
The costumes were beautiful and imaginative.
Clairette looked ravishing in the silver and black costume.
Inara with the dragon dress was also absolutely gorgeous.
Everyone put in a lot of effort and I stayed in the background.
I missed Amelia. Hopefully she can be back soon and then we will host another ball for return.
In hindsight, it was the right decision and Stavros would surely be proud of his songbird.
05. Zhas 66
I have overcome myself and was there at the masked ball, with my music to entertain.
The Ball was hosted by Clairette.
Despite the fact that the grief of my loss still runs deep it felt good.
I wore his favorite dress and a charming feather mask Cadomyr's Countess had made for me.
Nothing loud and fancy, though.
The ball itself was quite entertaining. Clairette was appointed a fully trained mage and the hall was decorated with mushrooms.
The costumes were beautiful and imaginative.
Clairette looked ravishing in the silver and black costume.
Inara with the dragon dress was also absolutely gorgeous.
Everyone put in a lot of effort and I stayed in the background.
I missed Amelia. Hopefully she can be back soon and then we will host another ball for return.
In hindsight, it was the right decision and Stavros would surely be proud of his songbird.
Re: Dreams
Carefully she removes dust and cobwebs from her diary, then she looks for a blank page and begins to write
Forty-eight entry
21. Adras 70
It has been years since I used you. I don't know yet how often I will use you, but I won't neglect you like this anymore.
I am back in Galmair, I am home.
The pain of my parents' death still runs deep, but I can handle it.
Seeing my friends, sitting with them and talking has warmed me like a fur blanket. Amelia - loving and warm as always. Oxiana immediately out to give me a task so that I stay.
Clairette - I am worried about her. Sure, she has always been different because of her background and education, but now she has a gloomy aura. It seems that nothing can make her smile.
I will try to help her if she wishes. After all, I know what pain and sorrow mean.
My decision is to serve Galmair, be it as a guard with eagle eyes, as a singer to reach hearts, as a cook to fill stomachs.
I swear it on my name - I, Cynthia Carlotta Elise Threndosian !
Forty-eight entry
21. Adras 70
It has been years since I used you. I don't know yet how often I will use you, but I won't neglect you like this anymore.
I am back in Galmair, I am home.
The pain of my parents' death still runs deep, but I can handle it.
Seeing my friends, sitting with them and talking has warmed me like a fur blanket. Amelia - loving and warm as always. Oxiana immediately out to give me a task so that I stay.
Clairette - I am worried about her. Sure, she has always been different because of her background and education, but now she has a gloomy aura. It seems that nothing can make her smile.
I will try to help her if she wishes. After all, I know what pain and sorrow mean.
My decision is to serve Galmair, be it as a guard with eagle eyes, as a singer to reach hearts, as a cook to fill stomachs.
I swear it on my name - I, Cynthia Carlotta Elise Threndosian !