I have been working on the character story for one of my guys Morand Olward. If some wouldn't mind could you look at the story line adn tell me what you think of it. is it to flowery or not enough detail in some areas trying to get a genuine critique on this please.
It Is posted down below. \/
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Last edited by AdamsJr on Thu Sep 24, 2009 12:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Morand of Berrybrook
Ever since he can remember Morand was always loved His first memories are that of his father Beldor a ranger by trade and Jenna his mother a druidis. Many a day he would spend with them both learning from his dad how to hunt and track the animals in the Old Willow Woods.
When he wasn't off with his dad he was in studies with his mom learning how to brew potions and tinctures making saves and different concocsions to heal and help the plant life injured animals and people after all it was "their responsability" to care for the land which gave them their lives.
At about 16 years of age Morand's curiosity for the natural things of the world led him to spend much more time in the Old Willow woods. Often gone on one adventure, or mischief of some sort as his folks would put it, or another. When he reached the age of 25 which to his people was the age at which you were concidered a man. Morand took to his second home,The Old Willow Woods, on a permanent basis. Always something to do there wether hunting for game, fishing, picking food, or practicing his tracking skills, and of course the medicinal practices of healing animals and plants of sickness all played a major part in his life now.
One day he came across a most horiffic sight. Dozens of herds of animals lay dead on the ground skins removed, and the rest wastelfully discarded without care. It struck him as odd he had hunted before, yes but he always managed to use the entire animal not wasting anything and always exactly what he needed. Never in excess. For the next several weeks he spent day in and day our burrying those animals carcasses returning them to the land which they came from. All the time the gruesome sight plagued him both in the long hours of the day and his restless sleepless night hours. On the final day with the last carcass burried and the land restored to order.
A strange thing occured, that he looks back on to this day, a wild man with long brown hair and in a green outfit with a large longbow on his back approached Morand he had been watching him for some time and asked him why he would do such a thing. Morand's simple reply was "It's sad to see these animals wronged this way." The wild man smiled "You have answered correctly young Morand Olward of Berrybrook. " Stund Morand asked " How is it you know me have we met before?" The wild man stated simply "It is I Malachin." Young Morand was visibly troubled at this revelation. "Do not fear ,stated Malachin, I have seen your compassion for The creatures of the forest and I am here to heal this land of this terrible wrong. But for you there are new tasks ahead for you to complete. You must go from here to Falmara there you must wait till it is time for your real journey to begin."
Upon this saying Morand found himself east of the Old Willow wood sitting on the banks of the Draikon River. With a large sturdy raft sitting on the bank Immediatly Morand took to the river and after spending many weeks following it down stream he finally made it to the mouth at the Erenin river. The constant tossing and turning of the waters had made Morand very ill. His stomach felt like he had two rabbits hopping around inside him all the time. Food was a thing of the past the way his stomach kept churning.
Weeks had now gone by and just when things seemed at there worst. It got worse. Ahead the river became a bubbling mass as whitewater threatened to swallow the raft into the depths. to top it off looking ahead the land seemed to disappear. A faint but dull roar begin to form in Morand's ears the water was picking up speed to his horror gravity gave way along with the raft and waters as he plummeted down a one hundred ft waterfall and was knocked unconcious.
Morand didn't know how much time had passed could have been days could have been hours, but sudden reality began to creep back into his senses. He smelled fresh bread and deer stew. sitting up right Morand was in a strange building with high windows and low light. "Ah you're awake. young sir ." A little halfling caught his attention. "Please don't be frightened we, That is me an the misses found ya by the shores just floatin along and seein how there not many of your folk around these parts we figured you to be in trouble. So we fished you out, and weren't no easy task bein so big and all. Any way we brought you here to our home to let you rest up. You had caught a fever an we didn't know if you'd make it or not. Luckily we have some of the best druids just down the road." Fixed ya right up." Where where am I exactly sir?" Morand asked weakly " Why said the little man you are in Falmara. At least the outskirts of it." Falmara!" Morand was shocked "I must have been floatin for sometime." "Yeah me 'n the misses thought you were a gonner too. "So what exactly were you doin out there on the river?"
Morand recounted the whole story of his encounter in the forest with Malachin and the subsequent journey. "Hmm said the little man sounds pretty strange to me? Malachin you say he was ehh. Well that's not somethin we often hear in these parts. I think You need to rest up and go see them druids down the road they more religious folks then me and might have more information from the gods on this."
That very next morning after breakfast Morand waved good bye to the little couple and set out for the hobble down the road that the druids were said to reside in. When he got there He found the place empty saving for a book.
Remembering what Malachin Had told him Morand desided to reside there in that hobble for many a year learning from the book of different plants and what they look like, along with some of the healing a medicinal properties of the plants. He would often go out around the surrounding land to try and find these plants. Nothing not a single one he spent many a day looking and never found any of these strange plants
He never could quiet place his finger on the suspicious that this book would play an integral part in his life ahead. It was the night of his 38 birthday that it happened. He was out scouting around when a fair maiden came to him in the forest she was young slender and had a scent of redberry about her that was intoxicating. She was wrapped in the strangest garment he ever had seen a parchment. Upon seeing him she said "I am Elara sent to you by Malachin who has told me of the deeds in the woods and your respect for life and love of the land. Listen to my words and hear me your time here is complete and you have gained all the wisdom you can from this land. You are to go to Gobaith an Island northeast of here in the middle of the great ocean there you are to continue in your studies as a ranger you will protect and use the land wisely teaching others to do so. You will also learn of ways to heal the lands. That one day you might return and teach others of these ways before they destroy and corupt everything that is good about this land." At that the woman vanished.
The very same hour Morand went to the harbor and set voyage on a vessel heading for Gobaith A fierce determination. and a heart felt conviction drove him to this strange land. And now upon the harbor of Gobaith Morand Olward. Stood.
When he wasn't off with his dad he was in studies with his mom learning how to brew potions and tinctures making saves and different concocsions to heal and help the plant life injured animals and people after all it was "their responsability" to care for the land which gave them their lives.
At about 16 years of age Morand's curiosity for the natural things of the world led him to spend much more time in the Old Willow woods. Often gone on one adventure, or mischief of some sort as his folks would put it, or another. When he reached the age of 25 which to his people was the age at which you were concidered a man. Morand took to his second home,The Old Willow Woods, on a permanent basis. Always something to do there wether hunting for game, fishing, picking food, or practicing his tracking skills, and of course the medicinal practices of healing animals and plants of sickness all played a major part in his life now.
One day he came across a most horiffic sight. Dozens of herds of animals lay dead on the ground skins removed, and the rest wastelfully discarded without care. It struck him as odd he had hunted before, yes but he always managed to use the entire animal not wasting anything and always exactly what he needed. Never in excess. For the next several weeks he spent day in and day our burrying those animals carcasses returning them to the land which they came from. All the time the gruesome sight plagued him both in the long hours of the day and his restless sleepless night hours. On the final day with the last carcass burried and the land restored to order.
A strange thing occured, that he looks back on to this day, a wild man with long brown hair and in a green outfit with a large longbow on his back approached Morand he had been watching him for some time and asked him why he would do such a thing. Morand's simple reply was "It's sad to see these animals wronged this way." The wild man smiled "You have answered correctly young Morand Olward of Berrybrook. " Stund Morand asked " How is it you know me have we met before?" The wild man stated simply "It is I Malachin." Young Morand was visibly troubled at this revelation. "Do not fear ,stated Malachin, I have seen your compassion for The creatures of the forest and I am here to heal this land of this terrible wrong. But for you there are new tasks ahead for you to complete. You must go from here to Falmara there you must wait till it is time for your real journey to begin."
Upon this saying Morand found himself east of the Old Willow wood sitting on the banks of the Draikon River. With a large sturdy raft sitting on the bank Immediatly Morand took to the river and after spending many weeks following it down stream he finally made it to the mouth at the Erenin river. The constant tossing and turning of the waters had made Morand very ill. His stomach felt like he had two rabbits hopping around inside him all the time. Food was a thing of the past the way his stomach kept churning.
Weeks had now gone by and just when things seemed at there worst. It got worse. Ahead the river became a bubbling mass as whitewater threatened to swallow the raft into the depths. to top it off looking ahead the land seemed to disappear. A faint but dull roar begin to form in Morand's ears the water was picking up speed to his horror gravity gave way along with the raft and waters as he plummeted down a one hundred ft waterfall and was knocked unconcious.
Morand didn't know how much time had passed could have been days could have been hours, but sudden reality began to creep back into his senses. He smelled fresh bread and deer stew. sitting up right Morand was in a strange building with high windows and low light. "Ah you're awake. young sir ." A little halfling caught his attention. "Please don't be frightened we, That is me an the misses found ya by the shores just floatin along and seein how there not many of your folk around these parts we figured you to be in trouble. So we fished you out, and weren't no easy task bein so big and all. Any way we brought you here to our home to let you rest up. You had caught a fever an we didn't know if you'd make it or not. Luckily we have some of the best druids just down the road." Fixed ya right up." Where where am I exactly sir?" Morand asked weakly " Why said the little man you are in Falmara. At least the outskirts of it." Falmara!" Morand was shocked "I must have been floatin for sometime." "Yeah me 'n the misses thought you were a gonner too. "So what exactly were you doin out there on the river?"
Morand recounted the whole story of his encounter in the forest with Malachin and the subsequent journey. "Hmm said the little man sounds pretty strange to me? Malachin you say he was ehh. Well that's not somethin we often hear in these parts. I think You need to rest up and go see them druids down the road they more religious folks then me and might have more information from the gods on this."
That very next morning after breakfast Morand waved good bye to the little couple and set out for the hobble down the road that the druids were said to reside in. When he got there He found the place empty saving for a book.
Remembering what Malachin Had told him Morand desided to reside there in that hobble for many a year learning from the book of different plants and what they look like, along with some of the healing a medicinal properties of the plants. He would often go out around the surrounding land to try and find these plants. Nothing not a single one he spent many a day looking and never found any of these strange plants
He never could quiet place his finger on the suspicious that this book would play an integral part in his life ahead. It was the night of his 38 birthday that it happened. He was out scouting around when a fair maiden came to him in the forest she was young slender and had a scent of redberry about her that was intoxicating. She was wrapped in the strangest garment he ever had seen a parchment. Upon seeing him she said "I am Elara sent to you by Malachin who has told me of the deeds in the woods and your respect for life and love of the land. Listen to my words and hear me your time here is complete and you have gained all the wisdom you can from this land. You are to go to Gobaith an Island northeast of here in the middle of the great ocean there you are to continue in your studies as a ranger you will protect and use the land wisely teaching others to do so. You will also learn of ways to heal the lands. That one day you might return and teach others of these ways before they destroy and corupt everything that is good about this land." At that the woman vanished.
The very same hour Morand went to the harbor and set voyage on a vessel heading for Gobaith A fierce determination. and a heart felt conviction drove him to this strange land. And now upon the harbor of Gobaith Morand Olward. Stood.
Last edited by AdamsJr on Thu Sep 24, 2009 12:38 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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