Do you ever feel ashamed?

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Post by forty » Mon Feb 18, 2013 4:03 am

Do you ever feel ashamed?

A bit of a tongue in cheek topic for roleplayers old and new, casual and hardcore, pertaining to Illarion or otherwise.
Do you ever feel that a character becomes so challenging to play, because their in-character speech and action outright puts you to shame, as in "I would never do this for real, and damn, this character is so unlike myself"? And this is not necessarily a question for villain type characters and characters who involve in intrigue. This can touch the most mundane characters, when they react to something in a way THEY would, and not in a way the player's first impulse tells them to react like.

Let me share my shame.
I designed a character inspired by a novel. I do not have a lot of common traits with this character, and I have to work a good bit on achieving proper behavior. And sometimes, I feel so inclined to just give the characters he interacts with some slack and go with the OOC human-factor, because the character I play does not understand some of the simplest implications, being generally crude, dim, and having a good measure of gray shade in his morality. So, to put it in simple words, sometimes I play him and get so deeply in touch with the flow, that it almost feels like the character takes control and comes to life, and I am just a slave at the keyboard. And at some moments, I think to myself "Oh god, I am so ashamed."

Does anyone else experience this type of relationship with characters they create?

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Post by Achae Eanstray » Mon Feb 18, 2013 4:17 am

Re: Do you ever feel ashamed?

One of my characters was trying to help a new player (mainly ooc) and at the same time robbing them. I think in the end we both had a pretty good time but I DID have to apologize oocly. I can't help what she does :wink:

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Post by Jeisa » Mon Feb 18, 2013 5:57 am

Re: Do you ever feel ashamed?

Each one of my characters are very different from each other. I don't personally feel guilt for any of their actions or choices, but I do actually feel pity and empathy for them at times. So in a way, I may be ashamed of them but not of myself for allowing them to act as the characters I've created naturally would. I'd like to think that we're all fairly well-balanced, reasonable people here, so most of us know better than to do/say certain things, but our characters don't necessarily have to be that way.

One character in particular of mine is pathetically naive, and I've put her through absolute hell over and over again. I don't feel like I'm sadistic for doing it, as I'm really just letting her live her fictional life the way her personality dictates. When other characters who know better than her drop in to give her guidance and point her in the right direction, I'm happy for her. When characters who know better drop in to take advantage and point her in the wrong direction, I certainly find it interesting, and I like seeing the way it plays out. I've cringed a few times when she's made the stupidest decisions that have had the biggest impact on her character, but I've had to allow it, of course, because if I had stopped it because I knew better than her, it would have been like...well, essentially divine intervention.

I have another character who was led astray at just the right (or wrong, really) point in her life, causing her to be a rather fragmented, lost person. I pity her from time to time, but I find myself feeling empathy for the characters she interacts with more often. It's kind of like what you said: sometimes I want to give the characters she interacts with some slack - especially when they appear to be experiencing great distress because of her behavior. Because of events that have altered her character over time, she can be unpredictable, offensive, and just downright horrible to other characters at time. I think I did slip in a tiny OOC note, a long time ago, to a couple of people I played with to apologize for her behavior, but nowadays, I just tell myself the players understand that the characters of Illarion are like the people that surround the players: they come in all kinds. If every character was stable, polite, poetic, handsome, and strong, Illarion would be so boring! I do know that some players are naturally inclined to avoid such characters as this one because we, as humans, realize that there's something very wrong with such a person (even if it is a character), and some players don't want to put their characters through what potentially harm them. Some players care very much for their character's well-being, of course, so they do everything in their power as players to avoid letting their characters suffer because of exposure to extraordinarily damaged people in their world. Chances are, if players are willing to allow their character(s) get hurt or otherwise influenced by your character, good or bad, they'll allow their characters to stick around yours more often. Because of that, I don't think any OOC apology or explanation of a character's behavior is really necessary.

Oh, and there's another character I play... She's not overwhelmingly naive or broken or anything, really. I haven't been playing her for too long, but I always find it interesting when I do play her. Maybe it's because I've played characters who have been greatly influenced by other characters already that I now appreciate just how much of an impact characters have on each other. Now, I see the characters she interacts with for who they are and what influence she may have on them and what influence they may have on her. Her potential actions with other characters present her with a million different, potential paths to take, and each one of them leads her to a new her - an influenced, still fundamentally her character, but altered in some way. And from that point? She can be further influenced! One character pointed out to her that she basically behaves more boldly in the presence of a certain other character, which she had been unaware of before. When she was next in the presence of the character who incited her to behave more boldly, she behaved somewhat self-consciously, unlike her normal behavior. This character in particular also seems to interact with a lot of opinionated characters who share their thoughts of other characters she interacts with, which in turn has occasionally affected her behavior around certain characters. Because the players of those characters are entirely unaware of what happened to alter my character's behavior around their character(s), I sometimes want to assure them OOCly that she has not just spontaneously changed, but I think I should give the players a bit more credit than that. Should everyone respect each player's ability to handle their characters appropriately, each player must assume that any given behavior presented by a character has its causes, and so it needs no OOC explanation. The characters being treated differently, however, may not understand the idea that all behavior has causes that have made it what it is. For those characters, I sometimes feel pity. I think their struggle with it is much like a real human's, though, so that's...interesting too.

I kinda feel like a sadistic scientist.

Sometimes I allow my characters to experience horrible things, and sometimes I allow my characters to cause other characters to experience horrible things. In allowing these things, I feel like I'm just allowing characters to live as they would if they existed naturally in a world remotely like ours, their existences dictated by their personalities and the influences upon them. In the past, I've apologized on a few occasions for my characters' behavior to other players OOCly, but nowadays I don't feel the need. I think that players understand that the behavior of characters has been caused by different factors, and characters do not always (sometimes, ever) behave in ways that we, the players, would be proud of if we behaved in such ways ourselves. I pity characters at times; I empathize with them. That said, I don't feel personal guilt for anything... except then I admit I feel like a sadistic scientist, because I think it's so interesting to see how characters' behaviors are influenced by other characters.

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Post by Dovakin Ken Kapsalot » Mon Feb 18, 2013 8:15 am

Re: Do you ever feel ashamed?

Oh my god. There is hope for this hobby yet.


...Why are you here? I mean, I know some of the others can't leave because they are broken, but you, I don't know you. Do I?

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Post by Anne Roy » Mon Feb 18, 2013 6:44 pm

Re: Do you ever feel ashamed?

I play Anne Roy.

For the few of you who have not met her, Anne is violent, crass, potty-mouthed, irreverent, rude, and a general b-- female dog. She's extremely offensive to those around her, and I let her be so freely. She's a very impulse-driven person and as a result even I can hardly predict her. I just let her do what she will do, and often the things she says and does are things I would -never- say or do in real life.

Do I feel ashamed? No. Anne's conduct is not reflective of who I am as a person. I did not create her to be offensive, it has just become a part of her personality as the result of things that have happened to her and choices and mistakes she has made. I don't feel guilty when she hurts someone, as the characters she offends are not real people. They are just that: characters. Anne may feel guilty (or may not, she is after all, Anne) but I don't let my emotions become invested in characters like that.

I believe IC actions and emotions should remain IC. If somehow I still manage to offend someone OOCly, I will be glad to apologize; it is never my intent. I am not my character.

Tl;dr? My character can be mean. I feel no shame, because it's all just IC, and all has a reason in Anne's mind.

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Post by Karl » Fri Feb 22, 2013 5:03 am

Re: Do you ever feel ashamed?

Maybe not shame, but pre-VBU, I played an ill-tempered, poorly raised teenaged mage and often times, after finishing an emote making him blurt out a snide remark, I'd think to myself, "man what an asshole that kid." :lol: So I sort of know what you mean!

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Post by forty » Sun Jul 07, 2013 9:13 am

Re: Do you ever feel ashamed?

New shame levels unlocked.

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Post by Juniper Onyx » Sun Jul 07, 2013 10:21 am

Re: Do you ever feel ashamed?

Hmm....this brings back memories of my 'most shameful' character in 2008, Chester Copperpot!

He was a burly, stocky dwarven fighter and was Irmorom's gift to women! Shame does not begin to describe the disgust I personally felt as his character emerged. It began as a character based upon a Drunken Gold Miner in the movie "Paint Your Wagon" and named after a reference to someone in the movie "Goonies", however he developed his own unique style as I played his 'rude', drunken and chauvinistic personality. He was a right old Bastard, flirtin' with anything in a dress, kissin hands, then arms and then further down if it went further. Drunk half the time, he often would walk by a woman and say "Do ye smell that? I smell Iron! I love the smell of Iron on a woman!!!" This of course was in reference to a woman's monthly cycles, and it made sense that as a dwarf, who has spent a lifetime around Iron, would be able to smell it. If he wasn't outright insulting women, he was 'Leering' at them. Believe me, he was noticed and some people didn't like it!

The point is, it is possible to let a character get 'too carried away' with RP. I had to constantly struggle to ensure that what he said never crossed the line in case 'minors' were online. I did get in trouble once or twice and had to back off a little. There's a fine line between 'shame' and 'inappropriate' RP, ah.....but it was fun and glorious RP while it lasted. Shameful, but fun!

Despite all that, he was able to coordinate other 'english' dwarf characters to plan, construct and build Castle Goldburg, which stood as a shining example of one 'rude' dwarf's efforts to create a 'English' version of Silverbrand, until Gobaith was destroyed. A pity. :(

He was finally deleted because someone claimed his name was a 'character' from a movie. Well, it was sort of.....the character "Chester Copperpot" wasn't a real character in that Movie, just a picture in an old Newspaper, and then later a pile of bones. Whatever, it seemed like a great name at the time. I had a lot of fun RP, and never will go 'there' again. :P

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Post by Revan » Mon Jul 15, 2013 1:23 pm

Re: Do you ever feel ashamed?

Yes as we speak, and just so happens you are witnessing it first hand.


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Post by forty » Tue Jul 16, 2013 4:40 am

Re: Do you ever feel ashamed?

Poor Mooney

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